The Rehearsal

We had had a count down going since we had gotten engaged. We started in the triple digits and slowly moved to the double digits but we were now finally in the single digits. I had begun packing for our honeymoon. We had gathered all of the decorations for the wedding and gone over the checklist hundreds of times.

All that was left to do was to watch it all unfold.

The day before the wedding was a Saturday, since we got married on a Sunday. I went over to a friend’s house with some of my bridesmaids to get our nails done. It was a quiet morning like any other. We talked about nothing important. Just hung out and waited for our nails to dry.

Of course in true fashion, I was running late. Somehow I lost track of time or severely underestimated the time I had left to get ready. So I was rushing, and with nails, it’s never a good idea to rush. I ended up smearing one of my pretty nails, but we made it to the rehearsal on time.

I hadn’t seen B in a couple of days and so I was pretty excited to see him. As we pulled into a parking spot I spotted him standing with his brothers, talking. My stomach was turning as it began to hit that I was getting married tomorrow. Tomorrow!

We rehearsed the ceremony in the square of a nearby downtown. Cars drove by in the background. The musicians played the music we had rehearsed so many times before as the wedding party walked down the isle. There was a pause and then my dad and I took our turn, arm in arm.

With each step I got closer to B who was standing next to our pastor. I was beaming. I could not stop smiling.

It was finally happening. This was real.

All the heartache, all the sleepless nights and tear filled days, all the uncertainty and lack of support washed away in that moment as I realized that we had made it, we had made it to the long awaited day and it was beautiful.

The suffering we had faced, the ridicule and opposition faded into a distant memory as I stood next to my soon to be husband. We stood face to face, surrounded by our closest friends and family and the world melted away. I felt such a peace that I knew the Lord was with us, the orchestrator of our story {click here for more on our story}.

We ran through the ceremony twice just to make sure everyone knew what they were supposed to do. Then we all walked over to a nearby restaurant and shared a meal together.

At the end of the night B and I said our last goodbyes before our big day. I went back to my parents’ house with my family and best friend Maddie.

We spent the night finishing packing for the honeymoon, loading our things into the cars for the wedding tomorrow, finishing up last minute gifts and talking.

It’s a weird thing to be at the beginning of something because the beginning of something is always the end of something else. As one door opens, other doors close.

B and I were to start our life together as husband and wife, which meant my relationship with Madeleine, was about to change. Before B was Madeleine. We had had so many adventures together, just her and I and we had dreamed of many more to come.

 Me the night before our wedding writing letters to my bridesmaids and trying to finish my vows! :)

Me the night before our wedding writing letters to my bridesmaids and trying to finish my vows! 🙂

We always imagined living together for a little while and traveling a bit adventuring on our own just the two of us. We always thought we would live next to each other and our husbands and kids would be friends. But our lives seemed to be going in two different directions.

We went off to different colleges two hours a part. We were living in two different points in our lives, having adventures of our own, that neither one totally understood. After seeing each other everyday since we were 13, college was a rough transition, marriage was even rougher.

It was our last childhood sleepover together, our last time in my parents’ house, in my childhood bed where so many memories were housed.

We spent most of the night talking and praying, whispering under the cover of a bright moon.

Tomorrow marked the beginning of my life together with B, but today marked the end of our childhood together.

 Me and the bestie!

Me and the bestie!

Change is a hard thing. It has a way of getting into relationships and creating a divide. Maddie and I were worried that we would change, that we would no longer be the same together, that things would get to different, that one day we would no longer know one another.

The thing is, just as God orchestrated my story with B, He also orchestrated my story with Maddie. He brought us together and even in our separation kept us together. I knew that Maddie and I would always be friends because I knew God himself had made it so.

I fell asleep resting in God’s beautiful design, in His sovereignty over my life praying for a restful night sleep.

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I love a good plain t-shirt, pizza, snuggling with my dog and hanging out with my husband. My mission? To speak truth and grace to help encourage other women to know they are never alone.

I'm Sarah Jean.

I’m the girl who came to realize the freedom in not being the author of my story.

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A mid-western girl who learned the freedom in letting go of my plans and walking in His. My goal is to encourage others on that path and point them to Him.

I'm Sarah.


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