The Gym Won’t Fix It

 

 

I have found a new home on the scale. I wish those little red numbers didn’t bother me the way they do, but they confirm what I have felt this season, thicker.

And why should that matter? It would seem natural with age that my body would change but I’m so against it. At least change in this direction.

Those numbers seem to mark me, the higher they go the less value I have, or so I feel. My New Year’s resolution is to work out more, to shed some pounds and gain some muscle. But I know in my heart that that won’t fix how I feel. 

Although there is some relief when the numbers go down, it doesn’t change how I see myself. I still look in the mirror and see unwanted things, things I don’t like, things that don’t match what I see in magazines or the “perfect” that has been placed on me. No matter how hard I work at the gym, no matter how much I curve my diet, I will never be satisfied with my body.

One day, gravity will takes its toll, old age will win and no matter my effort, I will age and my body’s youth, my body’s appeal will leave. My body will not bring me satisfaction.

The reason I feel so distraught over my new home on the scale, over myself in the mirror is because I believe society over Jesus in that my body is what gives me worth and value.

And no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to drown out the lies. Every time I glance in the mirror, every time I step on the scale I feel condemned, I feel unwanted, ugly, unworthy of any affection.

Any why? Because the numbers raised? Because I enjoyed the company of my family and friends, sweet desserts and home cooked meals?

Why should that effect me so?! Why can I not escape the false reality that has been constructed around me and every single girl?

What is wrong with me? No matter how many times B says “You’re beautiful” I can’t seem to believe him, it won’t sink in. Instead lies scroll through my mind like a newsfeed, countering his statement, trying to call his bluff, which is no bluff at all.

B sees me, he knows me and he truthfully stands and says “you’re beautiful” meaning every bit of those two words.

Yet the ambiguous society is what I choose to believe, what I let rule me. And that’s it isn’t it? I have become subject to this world, believe its lies. That’s the real reason those numbers bother me so.

But I’m not of this world! I have a different Ruler, a different King, one who stands with B saying the same thing,

 

 

“you’re beautiful, because I made you, because I’m remaking you.

 

It doesn’t matter what it is, weight gain, unmet expectations, crazy family parties, whatever depression that has been laid on you is declaring the same the lie. Attaching your worth and value to something in this world. 

BUT IT CAN’T. You are His. It can’t be undone. You DO NOT BELONG TO THIS WORLD.

You’re identity is no longer in this world, in your body, your appearance your family, your spouse, your gifts, your financial status, your happiness, your dreams BUT IN JESUS. You are his.

You’re new identity, daughter.

Stand on him and read the words below you, read the words that cover you:

 

 daughter,

chosen,

loved,

blessed,

beloved.

 

 

Instead of feeling condemned, feeling unworthy and ugly, feeling unwanted and ashamed,

 

feel wanted,

feel loved,

feel beautiful,

 

because you are a daughter of the King, not subject to the rules of this world but to mine.

 

I pray that I could stand on him and relinquish the lies I hold. That I could look at myself and not feel shame or covet something, that I would know that I am His and that is enough. That he is what makes me beautiful, what gives me worth. Just a little of what I’m reminding myself today and hopefully everyday. 

 

  1. chloe says:

    Great article. It really shows the importance of the role the Savior plays in our healing. The world tries to make us think that we can do it alone, that we can be enough, if only we… (fill in the blank). But this is not so. We cannot do it alone, we must rely on him for saving us, for giving us grace, for loving us and for helping us overcome our weaknesses. Only he can fix us, not food, exercise, pintrest, or our obsessive thoughts.

  2. I believe societal norms tend to sculpt how individuals feel about themselves, but it may be necessary to supercede those expectations in order to truly benefit in life. My goal is to help others find true happiness without regard to the generalities of society. I commend you for your strength and encouragement.

  3. GreenGlitter says:

    Amazing article! I had been stricken with pride when I reached my goal weight before. I made working out and dieting an idol before my Lord and Saviour. I am sure that He found me more beautiful being heavier and humble, than when I focused so much on the superficial. Easy come, easy go… I put my weight back on, but I remind myself that it is God’s opinion that matters. I shall stay heavier (and healthier) and humble. We are not part of this world, therefore we should not try to conform to what "the world’s ideal" is. We need to remember that we are loved by God so profoundly, that even the very hairs on our head our numbered!

  4. Keri says:

    I said to my husband just last night that I was not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not good enough, and that he did not understand me. I have also been fighting with weight gain after losing 45 lbs 2 years ago. I need to take it easy on myself and know that God is the one I need to look to for my labels and not the world. My husband was very upset that I said these things and ultimately felt sad too that he has not been able to help me after 20 years feel good enough for him. It’s all me. I have to let it go. Thank you for your words, they were well timed confirmation of what I already knew I needed.

    • Sarah says:

      Keri, I’m praying that God continues to show you how He sees you. That you ming rest in Him, leaning on His words instead of the words of others and that through that you might further see how your husband sees you. It’s a tough battle, but He is faithful.

  5. Tyra says:

    I love this article. My weight, appearance, etc. it makes me feel so insecure, this has opened up my eyes. It made my morning and I’ll always, forever feel worthy.

    • Sarah says:

      I’m so glad Tyra. You are beautiful no matter what because you were designed by a beautiful God who loves and adores you!

  6. Alicia says:

    Fantastic article and very timely! A few weeks ago I came to the realization that I was subconsciously self-sabotaging every attempt I made to get healthy and fit. This came from a fear that if I reach freedom in this area, I will get my worth from physical beauty instead of from the Lord. This would break my heart. I’m seeking to know His love at a deeper level than I have known before. Only when I can get my worth and value from Him can I walk in true freedom. Thank you for your encouragement.

  7. Carla says:

    This incredible true! Like. ..did you read my mind or something? I am in the exact place where I’m starting to work out and all I can think of is: when I lose some pounds I’ll be really beautiful. But then I realize I already am! Because Jesus loves me and died for me! I refuse to be meassured by my weight! (That’s the I’m invencible moment)…I believe that, I truly do….but there’s always the other moment when I can’t avoid thinking: if I were prettier….or thiner what would happen? Would I like more to people? Would that boy think differently about me?. Maybe that is the point. ..I care more about people say that about God tells me everyday. I am His master piece and no one will ever love me like he does!
    Anyway…I got inspired here….thanks a lot! Blessings from Argentina!

  8. Judi says:

    Thank you so much for this honest article. I, too, struggle with feeling good enough or beautiful enough for anyone to love. But what has helped me the most is that what is on the inside matters the most. What is flowing out of your heart makes you either beautiful or ugly. And when we are filled with God’s love there is nothing more beautiful!

  9. Keri Underwood says:

    Stumbled upon this on Pinterest. Don’t we all just love Pinterest 🙂 I love these words of yours. They are true and powerful and they need to be read and heard by SO many women in our culture. This truth, "The reason I feel so distraught over my new home on the scale, over myself in the mirror is because I believe society over Jesus in that my body is what gives me worth and value." is so vital for us to realize. Once we KNOW who we are in Christ, like really know, everyone’s else opinions don’t weigh on us as much. Love this, friend. Keep writing and speaking your truth! I’ll be Pinning to share 🙂 Blessings!

    http://www.littlelightonahill.com

  10. Jen says:

    I totally understand you…to a degree. Our value isnt in the numbers for sure…but far too many Christians are out of control as far as weight goes. God’s best for us is not overindulgent lifestyles…filled with mindless eating…greed or lust for too much food. There are problems there….we shouldnt follow the world with how they are eating either….overweight and obesity are just the newest sneakiest lie of Satan. We CAN live and holy, sanctified, self controlled life around food. Food can be addicting- Christians shouldnt be addicted….we can lust after it and become greedy and self indulgent for more than our bodies need or are calling for. Greed in the Bible is equal to idolatry. Jesus declared all foods good for eating yes! Freedom! BUT there are so many warnings in scripture about gluttony, lust, and overindulgence/overeating of food. Sometimes the Holy spirit nudges us about our inner mans spiritual condition…and we mistake what should be conviction to change with condemnation. God wants us to be healthy and whole, vigorous and vibrant- not enslaved to overweight and in bondage to overeating or self indulgent with food. Celebrating with food is fine- but even that, the examples in the bible are a few times a year. Every day, or even every meal as we Americans are accustomed to, was not meant to be a feast. There is a giant spiritual issue today surrounding food and it’s getting worse….most in the Christian community don’t see or recognize it…but visit ANY church today and the pews are bulging literally from the ever increasing weight of the congregates. It’s so sad…we are getting sicker and sicker, more sedentary, larger and increasing all our medical issues involved with overweight- inflammation, diabetes, heart troubles, asthma…so many things going wrong as our average weight goes up…this lifestyle in no way glorifies the Father.

  11. Kellibee says:

    I have a body image issue as well – not in my own mind but to others. I get told that I am too thin. I get asked if I’m sick… I am not sick, just thin. People don’t realize just how hurtful and offensive it is to make remarks like those to thin people. It’s exactly the same thing as telling an obese person that they are obese and societal rules keep people from doing just that. Believe me if a person is toooo thin or toooo fat that person is well aware of that fact and sincerely does not need to be reminded!

  12. Ellie says:

    I LOOK fat. I tried to lose weight, and was slightly successful, but have really struggled with emotional eating etc. I am not overweight, but I still think I look fat.
    Am so desperate to live knowing I am loved by Him, but it’s soooo hard…

  13. Lisa says:

    Menopause is an emotional killer with every physical change. Thank you for this. I truly needed it, as I read this and write this through tears. My tears are because I KNOW you are so right and hope I live it from now on.

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I love a good plain t-shirt, pizza, snuggling with my dog and hanging out with my husband. My mission? To speak truth and grace to help encourage other women to know they are never alone.

I'm Sarah Jean.

I’m the girl who came to realize the freedom in not being the author of my story.

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