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The Friend Zone

I never really dated anyone before B. Now before you go thinking anything, let me clarify. I had “dated” a couple boys in middle school, but it wasn’t serious, it was more of just an awkward title that didn’t last very long. Also know that I wasn’t convicted not to date and I sure wasn’t innocent, I was just too afraid to date anyone.

Anytime I got close enough to a guy and we started talking more, I could feel the relationship get awkward. You know what I mean? It happens right before you both say how you feel about each other. The point right before, when you are still not sure but you have a pretty good idea and at any moment he could ask you out or tell you how he feels. At that point I would run. Not literally, though I was known to physically avoid people. I would just put up walls. I didn’t really know why I did it, other than I was afraid things were going too fast. I liked things the way they were, as friends. It could have turned into something more, but to be honest, no guy ever waited long enough. Once they realized they were in the “friend zone” they moved on and I was left with a lot of guys that were friends but no potential boyfriends.

I wanted one. Throughout high school I did want a boyfriend, but no one waited and I was too scared to jump into anything.

 B and I at a bonfire before we were dating, just hanging out.

B and I at a bonfire before we were dating, just hanging out.

I used to think that it was because I was afraid of breaking up. Although I myself had never been through a serious break up, I had seen many people, friends and even my sister go through heart breaking, gut wrenching break ups and I didn’t want any part of that. I also thought some of it might have been due to my old soul. I found middle school and even high school dating to be petty even silly. Relationships often ended before they ever really began, there was usually a lot of drama involved and they were messy. My closest friends also didn’t date, so that might have had something to do with it.

It wasn’t until my wedding day though, that I found out the real reason behind it. You see, all along B’s momma was praying for B’s future wife, that she would be kept safe and protected. B himself was praying for his wife, that she wouldn’t go through anything painful, that her heart wouldn’t be broken. And I just so happened to be fearful enough to not date anyone.

Some people may say it’s coincidence but that’s a lot of weight to put in something that “just happened.” No, I believe in something bigger than that, something purposeful, someone loving. I also now (after the fact) believe in the power of prayer.

So it just so happened that this boy that I just happened to grow up with was around long enough for me to feel comfortable and not afraid that I could say yes when he asked me out.

B was comfortable in the “friend zone” because we had always been friends and when we started getting to know each other, we did so as friends.

It was awkward at times and I was afraid sometimes but I always felt safe and I had never felt that way before. So after “talking,” the term most commonly used for two people that like each other that hang but are not dating, for nearly 6 months, B asked me out.

 Still not dating yet...

Still not dating yet…

It happened sometime in June after graduation. B asked me out in the hallway of my parent’s house. Real romantic right? To be honest it was really awkward. I was walking him out to his car and we made it to the garage and then he said he had something to talk about, so we went back inside, but only made it to the hallway. He told me he really liked being my friend and that he liked me more than just a friend. I did too and I said so, but I didn’t really know what he meant (I was naive).

Anyway, to make a long story short, he intended to actually ask me out, something really romantic because that’s how B is. So when he was talking to me in the hallway, he wasn’t actually asking me out, he was going to do that at a different time. But I didn’t know if he really liked me, I didn’t know if we were boyfriend and girlfriend yet, so the next time I saw him I asked….and ruined his romantic intentions, because that’s how I am.

So we were official after graduation and he was officially my boyfriend and I was the happiest girl in the world.

I felt loved, I felt cherished but most importantly I felt safe which is why I said yes.

Our story is beautifully woven together because it was designed to be so. The God of the universe that created the stars, that spoke the world into existence, wrote our story. This is why I’m sharing our story. Our story is evidence of something greater at work because a story like ours doesn’t just happen, it is planned for a purpose.

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  1. T

    January 23rd, 2015 at 3:11 am

    Sarah And "B" ,
    I have Known "B" for a long time, he was always someone I could count on, someone when "T" said lets hang out with "B" this weekend instantly gave me something to look forward to for days and nights to come. I was in 4-H for many many years with you and "B" and grew up around you both. When "B" told me on the last day of the fair in 2012 that he knew you were the one I couldn’t believe what I heard, I had never heard "B" talk about anyone that way as long as I had known him since the 7th grade and I knew right then you were the one. That day marked the end of child hood in my eyes because the safe haven we always knew as the fair at the end of every summer would no longer be that safe haven anymore as we had known it for all those years. I will never forget that day as long as I live, because that right there told me what kind of man "B" had become and he had grown up with his unrealized future wife, his entire life. He kept his word, and last August I got to witness "B" keep his word and take another step forward in life. I admire you both and your commitment to each other and God. I may not be the most religious person on this planet, but I know the man upstairs had a plan that day in August of 2014 and I am so happy I was there to witness years and years of that plan come together that day in August of 2013.

  2. Sarah Jean

    January 26th, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    Thanks T. Thank you for sharing and for sharing a lot of our memories, especially our wedding! It’s something special to have friends that have been there since the beginning!

  3. Anon

    January 23rd, 2015 at 3:58 am

    I relate to this on such a deep level…I’m still waiting for someone that finds a way through the fear wall, but this piece gives me hope that it will happen. Thanks for sharing, Sarah : )

  4. Sarah

    January 26th, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    My pleasure Anon! Keep waiting! Sometimes it’s hard in the moment because seasons of life can feel like forever but remember that it is only a season. Thanks for sharing! I’m really blessed to be of any help 🙂

  5. T

    January 23rd, 2015 at 5:25 am

    In 14 for the first comment way to tired earlier when I wrote this

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I love a good plain t-shirt, pizza, snuggling with my dog and hanging out with my husband. My mission? To speak truth and grace to help encourage other women to know they are never alone.

I'm Sarah Jean.

I’m the girl who came to realize the freedom in not being the author of my story.

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I’m Sarah Jean, a mid-western girl who learned the freedom in letting go of my plans and walking in His. My goal is encourage others on that path and point them to Him.


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