I spoke it softly, firmly questioning it with every fiber of my being. I spoke it to the four walls of my bedroom, my pillow, to the kitchen sink and to the couch, my home filling with doubt, insecurity, anger and bitterness.
My answer was no, a resounding no. No God is not good, at least not to me.
I could see His blessings elsewhere, her business, their marriage, their success, their family, their life. Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram pointed it out. I could even hear it from my friends and family, the highlight reel stacking up His blessings elsewhere, but not here, not in my life.
As I counted His blessings in other lives my soul grew dark, ingratitude burrowing deep inside; it’s roots growing from the depths of Eden. “Did God actually say” He was good? Is God really good to me? The words of Genesis echoing through generations, the serpent whispering in my ear.
And I entered into conversation with him, believing what he had to say, thinking God was withholding something from me, thinking I knew better than God.
Ingratitude grew where pride stood and my feelings darkened. Anger and bitterness became my constant companions fueled by the question of the serpent. Now I added to the conversation recording my reasons and explanations.
How can He be good? How can He be good to me? My prayers aren’t being answered, I feel lost and forgotten. My life is hard and I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. This isn’t good. Why have you left me? Why have you let this happen to me? Why aren’t you listening, why aren’t you changing this?
DOES GOOD LOOK LIKE THIS?
Yes. The answer is yes. God is good and He is good to you right now, in this season, whether you feel like it or not, whether you believe it or not.
Your don’t have to feel anything for this statement to be true. You don’t have to even see anything for the statement to be true. God is good.
If you believe in God, you believe in the Bible, than you have to believe that God is good regardless of how you feel or what life looks like. He can be trusted. The Bible is true. He is good, we just can’t see it.
He is not wrong, we are.
He is a good Father not withholding from us, not punishing us. Our suffering does not mean that God is not good. He is a God that blesses always. Even in the midst of hard, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of doubt and disease He is there blessing.
So we pray for eyes to see, for ears to hear, for hands to hold His goodness. We speak truth, not lies, over ourselves till we believe, till our bitter soul cracks and our hands release. We sit at the cross and cling to the wood, realizing our doubt, our bitterness, our anger, our ingratitude put Jesus there, and He took it gladly to redeem our broken relationship.
That above all is our biggest blessing.
Just as God called for Adam and Eve in the Garden, as He clothed them in garments He calls for us and clothes us in His grace. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He is always faithful even in our doubt. He continues to bless us even in our ingratitude. Because His love, His faithfulness, His grace, His blessings are not dependent upon us but are an overflow from Him, from who He is.
So friend whatever season you are in right now, whatever hardships you are facing know that you are not alone. I too have walked in the wilderness, have questioned His goodness, but even in the desert I have seen that He is good.