Dear Sarah,

I wish I were the husband you needed.

I wish I followed through on everything I say I’m going to do, instead of leaving you feeling abandoned.

I wish I pursued you more. I get caught up in my own head and forget that my first and highest privilege as a husband is to get to know you better.

I wish I didn’t let the world affect the way I act towards you. The external stressors of life make me feel insane and it’s unfair to turn my frustration towards you.

I wish I kept our vows we made on our wedding day. I promised to stand by your side in sickness and in health, in times of famine and times of plenty. While I haven’t physically left you, I sometimes withdraw in my own mind when times are hard. 

I wish I saw you as a blessing instead of a burden. You’re a gift and when it comes down to it, you’re the best thing in my life. Sometimes I only see the ways you make my life harder, but it only feels harder because I can be extremely selfish. 

I wish I made more time for you. You should always be at the top of my priority list, and time with you shouldn’t be put on the back burner when I feel like I need to be alone, or do something else that seems more important. 

I wish I was a stronger leader. I wish I took more deliberate steps to grow closer to you, and drive our family in a positive direction.

You deserve the better version of me. You deserve not to be abandoned, you deserve to be my highest priority, and you deserve love that isn’t dependent on how you treat me or what kind of mood I’m in. 

I am committed to loving you more.

Sincerely,

B