I Wish I Were The Wife You Needed {A Letter To My Husband}

Dear B,

It wasn’t until we got married that I realized how selfish I am. How unloving I tend to be. My thoughts are not always for you. Although it sounds beautiful to be called your wife, I feel I am not deserving of the title.

A wife is to be patient. I tend to talk all over you instead of waiting for a response. I tend to push you along so that I can get to where I want to be. I can’t stand the silence of you thinking because I can’t wait long enough for you to speak. I have agendas for each day and get upset when things don’t go my way, when things aren’t done.

A wife is to be trusted. How can you trust me when I fail to encourage you? Sometimes I make you feel so small and I am truly sorry for that. I belittle you with my words, with my actions, with my thoughts. Instead of uplifting you I tare you down. I harp on you, choosing to focus on that which you did wrong, even the smallest amount.

A wife is to love unconditionally. I tend to love when it is convenient for me. Ashamedly I have been known to give love only when I have received it, or been given something in return. Marriage is not a barter system and this is not what I promised to do, but here I am selfishly loving when most convenient for me.

A wife is to be kind. Oh how I wish I could take my words back, the ones that have struck you in the side. I wish I could do over all those hostile conversations. I’m supposed to be FOR you, not against you. We are a team and yet my words, actions and thoughts have sought to harm you, to hurt you, I am sorry for that.

A wife is to be trusting. I think too highly of myself, which in turn makes you always wrong and me always right. It makes me less trusting of you because I always trust myself—even though I don’t have a great track record. Because I am so quick to point out the wrong that you do, I am so quick to trust myself over you. This hurts you I know.

I understand that I am not the wife you always need. I am not always loving when you need me to be, or kind when you want me to be. I am not perfect and therefore cannot love you perfectly.

Oh how I wish I could. I long to be all that you need me to be, but I will never be enough.

I am sorry for all the times I was not enough, I did not do enough, or even want to do enough. Thank you for forgiving me, for loving me imperfections and all. Thank you for sticking with me and not giving up. Thank you for being patient and kind.

I know you are not perfect and will sometimes fail me, but you are an amazing friend and I am so blessed to call you my husband.

I know I don’t have to be enough, that I will never be enough and that’s ok (though most days I try and fight it). There is only ONE person who is always patient, always loving, always selfless, always kind and I CANNOT take his place. He alone loves you perfectly, loves you the way I cannot. Just like He alone loves me perfectly, loves me the way you cannot.

It’s a beautiful thing, marriage, but it is awfully messy. Everyday is not perfect, or fun, or all smiles. But there is immense joy to be found.

I do not deserve to be called your wife, but that is the gift that I have been given, to pursue you and love you and cherish you. I will fail, but by the grace of God, I will little by little, love you more and more each day, because I am loved.

Love,

Your Wife


To the wife who is reading this. You’re not alone.

If we could meet I would suggest a coffee shop, one with comfy seats and warm baked goods. I’d sit with you and listen to your story. I’d ask how you are doing and I’m sure share many similar struggles.

You see, you and I are similar. We are one in the same, each walking our own path.

I’m not sure what made you click on this particular post or what led you to my words but I don’t believe it was by accident. Might we encourage one another? I’d love to be friends. I’d love to be able to speak into your pain and hurt and encourage you to keep walking.

I’m Sarah. If you’re willing, I’ll share my story and I’d love to hear yours. Drop your name in the box below and let’s get started.

  1. Amanda says:

    Wonderful. I could have written this. Thank you. We don’t love perfectly but we try and we look to the One who does. What a gift to be called wife.

  2. KIMBERLEY says:

    THANK YOU!! this was such a blessing to me. It’s as if you were in my heart…

  3. Alexandra Palacios says:

    This really makes guilt disappear, I am not alone in this journey called marriage and its struggles. it is comforting to know I have sisters out there striving for the same goal. Thank you.

  4. Rachyl says:

    This is beautifully written. The words ring so true. I will love him more each day and always strive to be the wife he deserves.

    Thank you for a great post.

  5. Hlumela says:

    Thank you so very much- I echo the ladies ahead in the comments. It’s exactly my life, my heart- you have been a blessing to me this day. Feeling,thinking, wishing and praying these things…but seeing it written so, is bittersweet, mostly gives hope and renewed strength. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable yet essential. May you and all those who struggle and desire to be the kind of wife our husbands need, who remember who they are(daughters of God, and have the ability to love and create heavenly home/relationship with their spouse) and be blessed with your hearts righteous desires. It makes me giddy happy when as women(humans) open ourselves, let our vulnerability show, when we come together, oh the beauty, the strength and ARMOR. Thank you, all for sharing and being supportive and encouraging.

  6. Kim Groff says:

    Because the tot lack of trying to better herself, and basically being the total selfish loser, after 24 years of no support, love, empathy, intimacy, 24 years of selfishness and me carrying on desperately in a one sided relationship, I am divorcing this problem child of a wife…I have had enough controlling micromanaged attitude ridden conversations…and a will feel like shit no more…..Just more of a reality check for the letter….unless there are some major changes by you, not just feeling guilty on paper, you may just lose your husband….not that I think this comment will be posted anyway….

    • Sarah says:

      Kim, sorry that this is so late in response, I took a little sabbatical of sorts. I’m sorry for your circumstances. I know I don’t know all the ins and outs but I can tell that you are in pain. I agree, feeling guilty and changing are not the same thing. Thankfully God is working on my heart to show me my darkness and help me be a more loving wife. I believe the first step though is admitting the wrong I’ve done which is where the letter was written from.

      I’m sorry for your pain. I pray that God works redemption into your life and allows his grace and love to wash over you.

  7. Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing!

  8. roselie says:

    Beautiful…thank you

  9. Charlene says:

    That was beautiful. I do wish I would have read this when I was still married.

  10. Andy Mash says:

    Very emotive and good for a man to read too to make sure we love our girlfriend fiancee or wife whatever they feel like or are going through..thank you

  11. Sheryl bush says:

    Beautifully written that describes me to a tee.

  12. Che says:

    This is beautiful.

    Thank you Sarah.

  13. Deanna says:

    Deanna Ramirez

  14. Crystal says:

    Wow! I knew I wasn’t the only type A wife out there! Love how articulate and delicately it was written. Thank you!

  15. Mia says:

    Hi Sarah,
    I was never the wife I needed to be and because of that he found someone else and is leaving me. You’re blessed to have a man who chose to stay with you even through the rough times.
    Mia

  16. Robyn says:

    Hi Sarah,
    I, unfortunately, am that wife. My husband loves me unconditionally. But I am everything you wrote about. I have often thought of leaving him so that he might find the love he truly deserves from another woman.
    I am very aware of my weaknesses, but when the Lord gently whispered in my heart that I was a selfish wife. It rocked my world.
    I’m not sure what to do or where to turn.
    Would appreciate hearing your answer to my dilemma.
    Robyn

  17. Savannah says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been married a year and a half to the most amazing man, but I’ve realized something I never knew in myself – the depth of my own selfishness. It has been so hard to fight the insecurity that this realization brings. Though we try to improve ourselves, like you said we will never be perfect. Thank you for sharing your struggle, and for offering an understanding heart. That goes so far to helping us forgive ourselves, move past the ocean of guilt, and move on to the next step of really focusing our heart on making a caring, Christ-centered marriage.

  18. Savannah says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been married a year and a half to the most amazing man, but I’ve realized something I never knew in myself – the depth of my own selfishness. It has been so hard to fight the insecurity that this realization brings. Though we try to improve ourselves, like you said we will never be perfect. Thank you for sharing your struggle, and for offering an understanding heart. That goes so far to helping us forgive ourselves, move past the ocean of guilt, and move on to the next step of really focusing our heart on making a caring, Christ-centered marriage.

  19. Jenn says:

    Bawling because this is me😩💔

  20. Lauren says:

    Wow, this is identical to what I am going through. Please send me an email! Lac621@yahoo.com

  21. Tressa Wilson says:

    I’ve felt incredibly alone and though there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t love my wife the way she loves me. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone and that there is good that can come out of this.

  22. Tressa Wilson says:

    I’ve felt incredibly alone and though there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t love my wife the way she loves me. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone and that there is good that can come out of this.

  23. [object Object] says:

    Very raw and true. Thank you for sharing.

  24. [object Object] says:

    Very raw and true. Thank you for sharing.

  25. Sally says:

    This is so it. I’ve never read a post like this where I could be speaking the words and they would all be correct. Someone below said that marriage had made they realize how selfish they are. Mine has made me feel so selfish, while also making me realize that my husband could actually become more selfless than he was before we married. I have sacrificed for him, but not with the amount of grace that he does for me. What he puts up with because I am so convinced that I’m more right. I don’t deserve him, and I wish he at least knew how much I wish I was a better wife for him. But he would probably dislike that, because my happiness is his. But his is also mine. He makes me want to be better, to be someone close to what he deserves. I am so blessed that he chose me, and that we chose each other. Thank you for this message. When I start to nag or harp on small things he doesn’t do, I’ll remember it.

  26. Sonia says:

    Lost my bf just 2 weeks ago because of this. Man i didnt realize all the things he said about me were true. He got mad because he said hes been pointing these things out from the beginning. How could i change if i wasnt aware of how i was being? Now someone else will be getting this wonderful man 😭.

  27. Kay says:

    Completely described what God has been slowly showing me over the last couple months! With tears of remorse I’m determined to be a better wife with help from Above! Thanks for the post.

  28. Karina says:

    BEAUTIFULLY SAID SARAH. HI, MY NAME IS KARINA. GOING THRU THE SAME, FEELING THE SAME AS THIS. FEELING UNAPPRECIATED MOST TIMES BUT I’M LOOKING INTO COUNSELING AND THIS WEEKEND WE’RE BOTH GOING FOR A 3-DAY WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR COUPLES. IF THIS DOESNT HELP, IDK WHAT WILL. PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND OUR 22 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH 4 CHILDREN. GOD BLESS XOXOXO

  29. Karina says:

    BEAUTIFULLY SAID SARAH. HI, MY NAME IS KARINA. GOING THRU THE SAME, FEELING THE SAME AS THIS. FEELING UNAPPRECIATED MOST TIMES BUT I’M LOOKING INTO COUNSELING AND THIS WEEKEND WE’RE BOTH GOING FOR A 3-DAY WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR COUPLES. IF THIS DOESNT HELP, IDK WHAT WILL. PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND OUR 22 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH 4 CHILDREN. GOD BLESS XOXOXO

  30. Destiny says:

    I love this so much! Going through alot right now in my marriage and needed to read this.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  31. Haley says:

    I needed to read this! Thank you!

  32. Haley says:

    I needed to read this! Thank you!

  33. Janice says:

    The timing and words are perfect! This is a beautiful piece and I believe many of us are facing this situation. Take courage and find strength in the lord! He will make a way💓

  34. Shweta Shukla says:

    Shweta

  35. Shweta Shukla says:

    Shweta

  36. Gina says:

    Gina
    Thank you!

  37. Gina says:

    Gina
    Thank you!

  38. Ryn says:

    Hit the nail on the head… Thank you for this! Really resonated with me.

  39. Ryn says:

    Hit the nail on the head… Thank you for this! Really resonated with me.

  40. Tanya says:

    This really spoke to me in so many ways and it was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement

  41. Tanya says:

    This really spoke to me in so many ways and it was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement

  42. Sarah Yapp says:

    Hi Sarah, I’m Sarah too. I wish we could meet and be friends! I feel so lonely and struggling in my marriage! Why am I so selfish 😩

  43. Sarah Yapp says:

    Hi Sarah, I’m Sarah too. I wish we could meet and be friends! I feel so lonely and struggling in my marriage! Why am I so selfish 😩

  44. Frances says:

    Hi Sarah, my name is Frances. This was very well written. And what I needed. Thank you

  45. Frances says:

    Hi Sarah, my name is Frances. This was very well written. And what I needed. Thank you

  46. Destiny says:

    Hi! I’m Destiny. Thank you so much for this post ❤️ It is very encouraging.

  47. Hi, I’m Tanya and I very well could (should) have written this…I fail every day at being a good wife, yet my husband continues to love me like I’m perfect.

  48. Hi, I’m Tanya and I very well could (should) have written this…I fail every day at being a good wife, yet my husband continues to love me like I’m perfect.

  49. Christy says:

    I absolutely love this…and despise it at the same time. It speaks volumes to me. Thank you for writing this, and thank you for sharing.
    Christy

  50. Morgan says:

    I’d love to chat with you! I needed this is so many ways i cant even begin to explain!

  51. Morgan says:

    I’d love to chat with you! I needed this is so many ways i cant even begin to explain!

  52. Tawnna says:

    First of all thank you for posting this!!! It hit every point in my marriage, my life and so much more! Your word are very inspiring!! Thank you
    Tawnna

  53. Tawnna says:

    First of all thank you for posting this!!! It hit every point in my marriage, my life and so much more! Your word are very inspiring!! Thank you
    Tawnna

  54. Deb says:

    Most days I just hate me because I know I am just not enough and it drives me wild.

  55. Andrea Edison says:

    Hi
    This letter is a message to a parched soul it said everything about me , my husband and I are separated now and I am seeing my own self in this letter. I am praying that we can get over this separation and be healed my Gods mighty hand and counsel. I want my husband back we have been together 31 years and had I read this message years ago maybe things might be different. But now that I have seen this message it showed me my own shortcomings.
    Thank you
    Andrea

  56. Andrea Edison says:

    Hi
    This letter is a message to a parched soul it said everything about me , my husband and I are separated now and I am seeing my own self in this letter. I am praying that we can get over this separation and be healed my Gods mighty hand and counsel. I want my husband back we have been together 31 years and had I read this message years ago maybe things might be different. But now that I have seen this message it showed me my own shortcomings.
    Thank you
    Andrea

  57. Sharlene says:

    Hi Sarah, wow this is such an eye opener. Thank you. My husband just recently left me, it was our 3 year wedding anniversary on Thursday. It really took me by surprise but as I have been spending these last few days alone…. It got me thinking…. All of these things are me…. Man do I regret so much…. But I know by the grace of God, things will turn out the way they’re supposed to. We have to keep the faith and trust our Lord!!! My email address is sharlene.b79@gmail.com…..I’d love to chat to you

  58. Jessica Skipper says:

    Hi Sarah. Thank you for writing this. This really hit home for me. My husband and I have been together 14 years and struggling terribly the last 2. At the beginning of this month my husband asked for a separation. We still live together and have 2 children together and I refuse to move out and so does he. He has emotionally shut down to me and I’m ashamed that I havent been the wife he needed over the years bc I struggled with all of the above plus with depression and I threw myself into raising our 2 boys. I want my husband and I want to find a way to make it work before it’s too late. I would love to hear from you. jsskipper@live.com

    Thanks, Jessica

  59. Jessica Skipper says:

    Hi Sarah. Thank you for writing this. This really hit home for me. My husband and I have been together 14 years and struggling terribly the last 2. At the beginning of this month my husband asked for a separation. We still live together and have 2 children together and I refuse to move out and so does he. He has emotionally shut down to me and I’m ashamed that I havent been the wife he needed over the years bc I struggled with all of the above plus with depression and I threw myself into raising our 2 boys. I want my husband and I want to find a way to make it work before it’s too late. I would love to hear from you. jsskipper@live.com

    Thanks, Jessica

  60. Laura Estrada says:

    My husband of 13 years is disabled, and oftentimes he lies in bed while life goes on around us. I love him very much, and I try to do everything I can for him; however, there are times I become frustrated and irritable at the thought of not being enough (not making enough money, not always being in the "mood" when he is, etc). There are also times I become frustrated that I am the one having to make the living (although he does bring in a little each month in disability), or I become frustrated that he does not feel well enough oftentimes to do the things other couples do. That being said, he is everything to me — I love him very much, but I do not always feel that I am the wife he deserves; I do my best, however, and my best is all I can do! txscriber@aol.com

  61. Meg says:

    Wow, I have said almost word for word so many times, but could never get the words in the right way out. I am Meg, been married almost 18 years. Lately I am realizing that he has always strayed and always wants other women, boredom? I do not know. I just know my world is falling apart.

  62. Meg says:

    Wow, I have said almost word for word so many times, but could never get the words in the right way out. I am Meg, been married almost 18 years. Lately I am realizing that he has always strayed and always wants other women, boredom? I do not know. I just know my world is falling apart.

  63. Kelly says:

    Thank you for these words. I am five years into marriage and it has not been easy and everyday we seem to fight or have a challenge. These words hit home for me and hopefully mean something to my husband.

  64. Eliza says:

    Hi’,,I m Eliza,,thanks for the letters,,it hits my home,,a home that doesn’t called a home"it’s so interesting and inspiring "😆😆

  65. Eliza says:

    Hi’,,I m Eliza,,thanks for the letters,,it hits my home,,a home that doesn’t called a home"it’s so interesting and inspiring "😆😆

  66. Christina lopez says:

    Hi my name is Christina , Your words are mine and my husband left me a week ago . I LOVE him so much . 15 years after an arrugment after Christmas he said good bye to me he said for good and left me and my daughter. He just got out of jail (in and out for 15 years ). We went to church praying to help us. But for got to include him in everything we did . Am in fl and no family just his who don’t talk to me . Alone with my daughter praying for guidance and to help me with this pain . Praying to see if I should move home to Chicago. I really want to fight for my marriage how if he won’t call text or see me . Lord Jesus help .

  67. Christina lopez says:

    Hi my name is Christina , Your words are mine and my husband left me a week ago . I LOVE him so much . 15 years after an arrugment after Christmas he said good bye to me he said for good and left me and my daughter. He just got out of jail (in and out for 15 years ). We went to church praying to help us. But for got to include him in everything we did . Am in fl and no family just his who don’t talk to me . Alone with my daughter praying for guidance and to help me with this pain . Praying to see if I should move home to Chicago. I really want to fight for my marriage how if he won’t call text or see me . Lord Jesus help .

  68. Samantha says:

    Hi Sarah! I’m Samantha. I’m a year and a few weeks into marriage and it’s been rough. We’ve had some really good times. But there have also been many tough times. Lots of arguments and hurt and pain. Things that make me wonder why my husband sticks around at all. I read this letter and it might as well have been my own letter to my husband. Thank you for being so real and vulnerable. And for reminding me I’m not the only one who feels like I have no idea how to be a Godly wife.

  69. Samantha says:

    Hi Sarah! I’m Samantha. I’m a year and a few weeks into marriage and it’s been rough. We’ve had some really good times. But there have also been many tough times. Lots of arguments and hurt and pain. Things that make me wonder why my husband sticks around at all. I read this letter and it might as well have been my own letter to my husband. Thank you for being so real and vulnerable. And for reminding me I’m not the only one who feels like I have no idea how to be a Godly wife.

  70. Dorothy says:

    Hi Sarah, am Dorothy and I have been married for almost a year now. It’s been very hard for me.

  71. Dorothy says:

    Hi Sarah, am Dorothy and I have been married for almost a year now. It’s been very hard for me.

  72. Elizabeth says:

    Wow, you have put into words what I have never been able too. This is me to a ‘T’. Thank you for this. I only hope and pray I be the wife God wants me to be for my husband ❤️

  73. Elizabeth says:

    Wow, you have put into words what I have never been able too. This is me to a ‘T’. Thank you for this. I only hope and pray I be the wife God wants me to be for my husband ❤️

  74. Chambers says:

    My deepest sadness is that I lost him before I figured it out. I can see so clearly in hindsight those things I didn’t do to show him how much I valued him.. I took for granted he would always be there. Neither of us were perfect but for my part I wish I would have been better. Love wasn’t lacking on either part but so many other things were nurtured. I loved being his wife, but didn’t work at keeping that title. I miss you husband.

  75. Chambers says:

    My deepest sadness is that I lost him before I figured it out. I can see so clearly in hindsight those things I didn’t do to show him how much I valued him.. I took for granted he would always be there. Neither of us were perfect but for my part I wish I would have been better. Love wasn’t lacking on either part but so many other things were nurtured. I loved being his wife, but didn’t work at keeping that title. I miss you husband.

  76. Bri says:

    These are exactly the words I want to say but could never find!

  77. Bri says:

    These are exactly the words I want to say but could never find!

  78. Monica says:

    Wow.. just wow. So perfectly put.

  79. Katie says:

    ❤️ every wife needs a good support system of godly women who point them back to Christ instead of allowing them to wallow in the world.

  80. Amanda says:

    I can relate to each word. ❤

  81. Lisa says:

    I needed this.

    Lisa

  82. Lisa says:

    I needed this.

    Lisa

  83. Stephanie says:

    This was exactly what I needed to say, wanted to say but couldn’t find the right words. I needed this more than you know, thank you for sharing.

    Stephanie

    • Sarah says:

      Oh Stacie I feel you! I’m still living it, years after I wrote it. I take comfort in the fact that He is healer and redeemer and He is in control of all things.

  84. Kaitlin Preston-Scott says:

    This. All of this. Exactly what I needed. Marriage is hard. So. Damn. Hard. Thank you for putting my thoughts with the words I couldn’t come up with. ❤️ Kaitlin

  85. Kaitlin Preston-Scott says:

    This. All of this. Exactly what I needed. Marriage is hard. So. Damn. Hard. Thank you for putting my thoughts with the words I couldn’t come up with. ❤️ Kaitlin

  86. Sharlene says:

    Sharlene
    Marriage is hard. And I’m so often sad.

  87. Dayna says:

    This made me feel so many things as I am going through a very rough point in my marriage and feel as we are on the brink of divorce. Thank you for posting ❤️

  88. Hannah says:

    This is so perfect. I know God always leads me to where I need to be led. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read it tonight.

  89. Hannah says:

    This is so perfect. I know God always leads me to where I need to be led. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read it tonight.

  90. Sharon-Rose says:

    Thank you. Just what I needed.

  91. Rachael says:

    Feeling this.

  92. Diane Oare says:

    Diane Oare

  93. Diane Oare says:

    Diane Oare

  94. Diane Oare says:

    Diane Oare

  95. Anndi says:

    I needed this tonight
    -Anndi

  96. Mia jett says:

    Mia Jett

  97. Mia jett says:

    Mia Jett

  98. Kirsten says:

    Kirsten

  99. Kirsten says:

    Kirsten

  100. Bethany says:

    I knew I saved this for a reason and I finally found the time to read it and goodness I really needed to read this. I’m sending it to my husband tonight because he needs to hear it more then ever right now. Thank you for writing this. Ive related more to it then any other post I’ve read in quite some time. So glad I came across it.

  101. Bethany says:

    I knew I saved this for a reason and I finally found the time to read it and goodness I really needed to read this. I’m sending it to my husband tonight because he needs to hear it more then ever right now. Thank you for writing this. Ive related more to it then any other post I’ve read in quite some time. So glad I came across it.

  102. Douchka says:

    Thank you soooo much, for sharing this, it’s like u Read my mind, I needed read this, I’m 5month pregnant with all those thought and many hormonal changes, sometimes I fill like I’m about to explode, due to lack of right words or way to show how him that above all I love him and that I fill soooo lucky to have him. May God bless you for this.

  103. Douchka says:

    Thank you soooo much, for sharing this, it’s like u Read my mind, I needed read this, I’m 5month pregnant with all those thought and many hormonal changes, sometimes I fill like I’m about to explode, due to lack of right words or way to show how him that above all I love him and that I fill soooo lucky to have him. May God bless you for this.

  104. Sarah says:

    I just got goosebumps after reading this. This is me who didn’t see it until after my husband and an affair in 2917. It was a painful time and a very challenging one. I turned over my life to God and slowly he’s given me an understanding of the situation. God has been showing like this article showing me to look at myself and that it isn’t to late to change and love and support my husband like he should be loved. Thank you so much for this article I will keep it as a reminder for me. My relationship with my husband is slowly getting better a closeness we never had before after being married to him for 27 years. We are in love all over again. BTW my name is Sarah too.

  105. Sarah says:

    I just got goosebumps after reading this. This is me who didn’t see it until after my husband and an affair in 2917. It was a painful time and a very challenging one. I turned over my life to God and slowly he’s given me an understanding of the situation. God has been showing like this article showing me to look at myself and that it isn’t to late to change and love and support my husband like he should be loved. Thank you so much for this article I will keep it as a reminder for me. My relationship with my husband is slowly getting better a closeness we never had before after being married to him for 27 years. We are in love all over again. BTW my name is Sarah too.

  106. Obaapa Grant says:

    Obaapa Grant

  107. Obaapa Grant says:

    Obaapa Grant

  108. Jennifer says:

    Jennie. I believe you, I don’t think it was chance that led me to click on this post and read it, even though it’s the middle of the night and I am nursing a baby. Thank you for sharing.

  109. Stephanie says:

    Stephanie

  110. Stephanie says:

    Stephanie

  111. GINA LASATER says:

    GINA LASATER

  112. Brandy says:

    Help……
    Brandy

    • Sarah says:

      I am so glad that Jesus brought you to this page! I would love to connect and hear more of your story! You can sign up for my newsletter and connect that way or you can email me sarah@arkinthedesert.com

    • Nia Klein says:

      Andrea, this is my husband and me as well, except that we have been married almost 41 years. We’ve had our problems over the years, but it wasn’t until almost a year ago when our adult daughter (who has always been difficult to get along with) lashed out at me during her first pregnancy and accused me of being abusive to her as a child and was, therefore, cutting off contact with me. While this is so not true–even my husband says it’s not–my husband has not stood up for me and continues to have a relationship with her. This is how she wants it–not me, but him. I feel lost and rejected and have prayed and prayed, am in counseling, talk with our pastor, gone to a marriage intensive and I just don’t know what to do anymore, what to pray. I just know I can’t go on like this. It feels like both my body and mind are breaking down (have lost 15+ pounds). I’ll pray for you. Praying we both can find some hope, some relief.

  113. Presilla Rosario says:

    Presilla

  114. Presilla Rosario says:

    Presilla

  115. Julie Snead says:

    Julie
    This really hit home. Thank you for this testimony and being real and raw with your feelings and marriage. I feel I am in the same boat!

    • Sarah says:

      Thanks for your encouragement Julie!

    • Jenell says:

      I’m in the same boat. 17 years, two kids, his third affair, one physical (before our youngest was even a year old), two emotional. The current one started online at the end of this June, with the OW living across the country. He hasn’t even met her in person. This time around he’s blamed me (I AM NOT THE PROBLEM) for not showing him the attention he needs (I will take ownership over my part, but he stopped showing me attention at about the same time). She knew about us when she initiated the relationship, and knew that we weren’t separated at the time (we separated a week after I confronted him, I left with the kids for a week, he moved out 4 days after we came home). I’m trying to stay strong and ‘nice’ to him (God help me with this) with the hopes that his fog lifts before the OW decides to fly across the country. Praying for God’s guidance to soften my heart and to guide his and for us to defeat the enemy.

  116. Miranda says:

    Miranda,
    This really spoke me. I have turned over everything to God. My marriage is at the brink for divorce as well and I am changing everything.

  117. Wendy Chesser says:

    Awesome story…. I luved n i feel ur feelings very well… God Bless us all.
    Wendy

  118. Wendy Chesser says:

    Awesome story…. I luved n i feel ur feelings very well… God Bless us all.
    Wendy

  119. Stacey says:

    This is just perfect. I have no words. Thank you for sharing!!

  120. Ayah says:

    OMG this is exacly me I’m glad to know I’m not alone thought I am the badest wife on earth , I try but it’s not enough. Thanks for sharing really needed to hear this.

  121. Ayah says:

    OMG this is exacly me I’m glad to know I’m not alone thought I am the badest wife on earth , I try but it’s not enough. Thanks for sharing really needed to hear this.

  122. A says:

    So grateful for your post and openness. I’m on our couch in this moment praying how to be better for him, then this popped up when I opened Pinterest. Thank you

  123. A says:

    So grateful for your post and openness. I’m on our couch in this moment praying how to be better for him, then this popped up when I opened Pinterest. Thank you

  124. Shauna says:

    Amazing and excellent I needed to hear every last word. Thank you so much for letting us share a piece of your life with us all.

  125. Shauna says:

    Amazing and excellent I needed to hear every last word. Thank you so much for letting us share a piece of your life with us all.

  126. siri says:

    I went through about a year of being incredibly selfish. i was in a very bad place personally and took it out on my husband. i have spent the last 3 months being the very best wife i could be. while i know i can’t ever take back what i did or the awful things i said, i make a conscious choice to be the spouse that i want and be the wife my husband deserves. i have immersed myself in scripture and seek the Bible’s guidance in the moments where my thoughts and feelings are veering off course. it happens to the best of us. i’m glad i’m not alone. never forget, we are all enough and we just need to try our best to make positive choices as often as possible.

  127. Roe says:

    Hi Sarah, thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone. My story is to long to write but boy can I relate. Where are you from?

  128. Roe says:

    Hi Sarah, thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone. My story is to long to write but boy can I relate. Where are you from?

  129. Shilo says:

    Shilo

    Well right away … you got me crying….thank you for that, honestly….would love to share my story with you….to hear it you only need 2 things….a little time and a strong stomach.

  130. Alainya says:

    I feel like this is the letter I need to write ….

    How do you learn to trust? It’s so hard to do. When I fail I can blame the mistake on myself. If I trust someone and they fail I know (believe, at least) that I would not have done. Trusting again is even harder than the first time.

    • Sarah says:

      Alainya I’m still learning to trust. I’ve learned though that I first need to trust God because He is in charge of all things, over all things and good.

      If you’d like to chat more you can email me or sign up for my newsletter above!

  131. Alainya says:

    I feel like this is the letter I need to write ….

    How do you learn to trust? It’s so hard to do. When I fail I can blame the mistake on myself. If I trust someone and they fail I know (believe, at least) that I would not have done. Trusting again is even harder than the first time.

    • Sarah says:

      Alainya I’m still learning to trust. I’ve learned though that I first need to trust God because He is in charge of all things, over all things and good.

      If you’d like to chat more you can email me or sign up for my newsletter above!

  132. Maria says:

    Hello Sarah, it’s Maria talking. Hmu? I’m not sure i know anything of myself lately. I’d like to know a bit of you..

  133. Maria says:

    Hello Sarah, it’s Maria talking. Hmu? I’m not sure i know anything of myself lately. I’d like to know a bit of you..

  134. Stacie says:

    Hi. I’m Stacie. That letter sounds like I wrote it…sadly, it’s my story. And now I’m trying to pick up the pieces of a 20 year marriage that is falling apart and give it to the only One who can mend it…😞

    • Sarah says:

      Oh Stacie I feel you! I’m still living it, years after I wrote it. I take comfort in the fact that He is healer and redeemer and He is in control of all things.

  135. Bella Valenzuela says:

    Hi Sarah, I’m Bella. & oh my lanta, did your blog hit me right in the gut. I’m writing this tears and all! I would love to connect with you & share my story. Thanks to this post, I know I am not alone. 💛

  136. Anjoo Afed says:

    Sarah, this is Anjoo. My problem is that i don’t respect my husband enough. I don’t give him the respect he deserves. I’ve been praying for me to respect him.

  137. Anjoo Afed says:

    Sarah, this is Anjoo. My problem is that i don’t respect my husband enough. I don’t give him the respect he deserves. I’ve been praying for me to respect him.

  138. Lesli Allwine says:

    Wow, this was deep ❤

  139. Claire says:

    Wow🙌 I feel you cause that how I feel right now.

  140. Claire says:

    Wow🙌 I feel you cause that how I feel right now.

  141. Erica g says:

    My husband is a amazing man..and I try my best to be the wife God has intended me to be..but when I was young I made many mistakes also I got my tubes tie at age 22..and now my husband Longs for a child and I am now 39 years old..he said he understands but at times I can see the hurt in his eyes..and its killing me slowly..Im so lost and confused. So lost and hurt .. the reversal surgery is expensive and Im runing out of time. If i try to save the money it would take to long and the clock is ticking against me..I have prayed and prayed for something

  142. Erica g says:

    My husband is a amazing man..and I try my best to be the wife God has intended me to be..but when I was young I made many mistakes also I got my tubes tie at age 22..and now my husband Longs for a child and I am now 39 years old..he said he understands but at times I can see the hurt in his eyes..and its killing me slowly..Im so lost and confused. So lost and hurt .. the reversal surgery is expensive and Im runing out of time. If i try to save the money it would take to long and the clock is ticking against me..I have prayed and prayed for something

  143. LY To says:

    Dear Sarah,
    You are so beautiful, the angel from Heaven. Thank God you are here for us. You are blessed and well respected.

  144. Kristian Rehtmeyer says:

    I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. Beautifully written.

  145. Kristian Rehtmeyer says:

    I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. Beautifully written.

  146. Tanya says:

    Hi Sarah am so happy I came across your lovely letter but you see my husband can’t and doesn’t respect me he said he does but how can he when he had 2 kids out side our union but I still stood by his side but we are falling apart and most times am unhappy and I think he is too I don’t knows how to feel anymore and such

  147. Tanya says:

    Hi Sarah am so happy I came across your lovely letter but you see my husband can’t and doesn’t respect me he said he does but how can he when he had 2 kids out side our union but I still stood by his side but we are falling apart and most times am unhappy and I think he is too I don’t knows how to feel anymore and such

  148. Karen says:

    I’m really thankful to have seen this post. It’s hard to feel not alone when you have no friends and your marriage is on the rocks. But I guess there is a sad comfort in knowing someone else is going through something similar in their lives and things could always be worse.

  149. Amanda says:

    Hi Sarah,

    Even though I’m newly married (2 weeks) this hit the mark. Right now we are in a horrible fight and this is exactly how I feel right now. I’m glad I found this, it really spoke to me. Thank you for writing this ❤️

  150. Raven says:

    Hi Sarah
    There is SO much to say …

  151. Raven says:

    Hi Sarah
    There is SO much to say …

  152. Kris says:

    Hi Sarah. When I read your letter it was like I wrote it myself. My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. We have two children who are 5 and 3. They are very hyper rambunctious children who are very good at pushing buttons and testing patiences. I’m very bad at taking our my anger and frustration towards them onto my husband. Now don’t get my wrong, he’s not perfect. He pushes my buttons and picks little arguments that he knows I will blow up about.. but I’m bad about picking fights with him when I’m fed up with my children not listening. Our marriage is suffering and I’m terrified to lose him.

  153. Aspen says:

    Sarah,

    Thank you for these beautiful and encouraging words. I have been so unwilling and selfish in these last several months with my husband. We came to be closer to God at the beginning of the year and upon reading your letter I am realizing just how foolish I have been. I owe my husband many heartfelt words of love and respect. Your letter has given me confidence that I want to continue to have a Godly life with my husband and restore the marriage God has built for us.

    Thank you,

    Aspen

  154. Aspen says:

    Sarah,

    Thank you for these beautiful and encouraging words. I have been so unwilling and selfish in these last several months with my husband. We came to be closer to God at the beginning of the year and upon reading your letter I am realizing just how foolish I have been. I owe my husband many heartfelt words of love and respect. Your letter has given me confidence that I want to continue to have a Godly life with my husband and restore the marriage God has built for us.

    Thank you,

    Aspen

  155. Michelle says:

    Wow!!! I love this!! My husband and I have gone through a lot these past 15 years. Miscarriages, trying to conceive, more miscarriages, surgery after surgery and finally full removal of my reproductive organs that unfortunately left me unable to pursue having children. It’s taken a toll on me physically due to surgical induced menopause and I know I haven’t made it easy on him. He’s so understanding loving and caring, but I catch myself being so mean. I don’t mean too but it just happens. Reading your article made me cry because it’s all I wish could tell him and can’t. Thank you so much for giving me an opening and an opportunity to share this with him. Your right God and only God can love ya completely and truly even with all our faults! God bless!

  156. Michelle says:

    Wow!!! I love this!! My husband and I have gone through a lot these past 15 years. Miscarriages, trying to conceive, more miscarriages, surgery after surgery and finally full removal of my reproductive organs that unfortunately left me unable to pursue having children. It’s taken a toll on me physically due to surgical induced menopause and I know I haven’t made it easy on him. He’s so understanding loving and caring, but I catch myself being so mean. I don’t mean too but it just happens. Reading your article made me cry because it’s all I wish could tell him and can’t. Thank you so much for giving me an opening and an opportunity to share this with him. Your right God and only God can love ya completely and truly even with all our faults! God bless!

  157. Lisa says:

    Wow, so many of your words are my words. Thank you for sharing.

  158. Lisa says:

    Wow, so many of your words are my words. Thank you for sharing.

  159. Pavithra says:

    I was opposite of this to the love of my life without getting married.. I wish I were the wife he needed… also I thought that everyone will be the same in the domain of love but its actually not..!!!

  160. Pavithra says:

    I was opposite of this to the love of my life without getting married.. I wish I were the wife he needed… also I thought that everyone will be the same in the domain of love but its actually not..!!!

  161. Tee says:

    Thanks for sharing very powerful

  162. Tee says:

    Thanks for sharing very powerful

  163. Kj says:

    Lost. Don’t even know where you o begin to repair

  164. Kj says:

    Lost. Don’t even know where you o begin to repair

  165. Amber says:

    Your letter is like the words and the humility that I cannot muster into the words and the honest confession I cannot seem to communicate to my husband. Divorced. Flawed. Stubborn. Rejected. Contributing nothing financially. Frustrated. Selfish. Envious of those who are loving and kind to one another. Sinful. And God called us to LOVE above all else. Thank you for your vulnerability and sisterhood. God is good.

  166. Amber says:

    Your letter is like the words and the humility that I cannot muster into the words and the honest confession I cannot seem to communicate to my husband. Divorced. Flawed. Stubborn. Rejected. Contributing nothing financially. Frustrated. Selfish. Envious of those who are loving and kind to one another. Sinful. And God called us to LOVE above all else. Thank you for your vulnerability and sisterhood. God is good.

  167. Chassidy Fabiano Trahan says:

    This reminds me if myself at times. I thought I was the only one for awhile. I happy someone understands.

  168. Chassidy Fabiano Trahan says:

    This reminds me if myself at times. I thought I was the only one for awhile. I happy someone understands.

  169. Angela says:

    After 18 years. After he kicked both of my sons out(from previous marriage) and continually making me feel horrible as a person and giving our children what he never gave mine. I don’t know if I can love him again.

  170. Angela says:

    After 18 years. After he kicked both of my sons out(from previous marriage) and continually making me feel horrible as a person and giving our children what he never gave mine. I don’t know if I can love him again.

  171. Krista says:

    Wow wow wow! I’m not good with words so I could never say the exact thing and it sound as good! Boy, were you dead on …. I cried like a baby reading this!

  172. Krista says:

    Wow wow wow! I’m not good with words so I could never say the exact thing and it sound as good! Boy, were you dead on …. I cried like a baby reading this!

  173. G Arm says:

    Hi, thank you for your letter. It’s given me a lot to think about. Up until recently, I didn’t think I was the mean or dismissive in our marriage, but maybe I am. I would like help understanding how to be more aware of how I treat my husband. I need help in salvaging my marriage. I’d love to talk to someone.

  174. G Arm says:

    Hi, thank you for your letter. It’s given me a lot to think about. Up until recently, I didn’t think I was the mean or dismissive in our marriage, but maybe I am. I would like help understanding how to be more aware of how I treat my husband. I need help in salvaging my marriage. I’d love to talk to someone.

  175. Emily says:

    I also possess, or lack, these same qualities, and so does my husband. We struggle with forgiveness and have managed to turn every encounter with one another into a confrontation. Even though we probably feel like we hate one another more than we tell the other we love them. Recently, separation and divorce has emerged in our arguments. We are trying to salavage what we have left. It’s an uphill battle but I know I am not alone.

  176. Emily says:

    I also possess, or lack, these same qualities, and so does my husband. We struggle with forgiveness and have managed to turn every encounter with one another into a confrontation. Even though we probably feel like we hate one another more than we tell the other we love them. Recently, separation and divorce has emerged in our arguments. We are trying to salavage what we have left. It’s an uphill battle but I know I am not alone.

  177. Mel says:

    I love your honesty and your fearlessness! Way to own your truth. That makes you a great wife 💕

  178. Mel says:

    I love your honesty and your fearlessness! Way to own your truth. That makes you a great wife 💕

  179. Amber Mitchell says:

    Thank you for putting into words what my heart longs to say.

  180. Amber Mitchell says:

    Thank you for putting into words what my heart longs to say.

  181. G Y says:

    Thankyou! Your comment about reading this is not a coincidence. As many others said, you said everything perfectly! Timing. I am so happy i came across this and i did think i was the only one, a bad wife. I’m not and i know everything happens for a reason and is a lesson to learn and grow from. Together almost 20 yrs. Married 11, the past 2 1/2 were and hard still but i know i have to change some of my own thoughts, behaviors if this is going to work. Love to all reading this and wow, we are not alone! I am not religious but i know there is a god or some higher power that plays a role in this life, don’t give up. Anything is possible if we really open our eyes but it takes both to make a real change. Love all

  182. G Y says:

    Thankyou! Your comment about reading this is not a coincidence. As many others said, you said everything perfectly! Timing. I am so happy i came across this and i did think i was the only one, a bad wife. I’m not and i know everything happens for a reason and is a lesson to learn and grow from. Together almost 20 yrs. Married 11, the past 2 1/2 were and hard still but i know i have to change some of my own thoughts, behaviors if this is going to work. Love to all reading this and wow, we are not alone! I am not religious but i know there is a god or some higher power that plays a role in this life, don’t give up. Anything is possible if we really open our eyes but it takes both to make a real change. Love all

  183. TT says:

    OMG! These words are so necessary. It’s difficult when God shows you yourself. I’m certainly guilty of many if these things. We have the instructions through the word of God but yet we fail to do them. I pray that we all find our marriages being filled with love passion and respect. I pray that God reignites the fire and desires we once shared. My God forgive us of our shortcomings and strengthen us for the journey ahead!💛💛💛

  184. O.C. says:

    We love because He first loved us. We forgive because we are forgiven of the atrocities we have and will commit. It’s so hard to not love your spouse in response to how you are feeling loved. A biblical love is so much stronger than what I could do on my own. Thank you for the reminder, as difficult as it is to hear. Sometimes they aren’t the issue, sometimes they are; that doesn’t excuse us from how we are to treat our husbands.

  185. O.C. says:

    We love because He first loved us. We forgive because we are forgiven of the atrocities we have and will commit. It’s so hard to not love your spouse in response to how you are feeling loved. A biblical love is so much stronger than what I could do on my own. Thank you for the reminder, as difficult as it is to hear. Sometimes they aren’t the issue, sometimes they are; that doesn’t excuse us from how we are to treat our husbands.

  186. Aleisha Sampson says:

    AS
    This is so me and this is so true

  187. Aleisha Sampson says:

    AS
    This is so me and this is so true

  188. Tonya Routhieaux says:

    Thank you for sharing this. The words exactly what I have had on my heart for sometime now. We get caught up in the world and tend to put things and people on the back hurning. As a mother, wife, chauffeur, cheerleader, coach, helping hand etc is easy to get caught up in the every day things of this life.

  189. Tonya Routhieaux says:

    Thank you for sharing this. The words exactly what I have had on my heart for sometime now. We get caught up in the world and tend to put things and people on the back hurning. As a mother, wife, chauffeur, cheerleader, coach, helping hand etc is easy to get caught up in the every day things of this life.

  190. Ree says:

    I felt as if I was writing this myself. It is good to know that I am not in this alone and their are other people who feel the same as I do. Thank you for sharing.

  191. Andrea Earl says:

    For years, our marriage has been crumbling. Ive always been the one deep down wanting a divorce. But last night he pretty much said he was done, too. Everything in this letter is true for me. While he hasn’t been perfect, I’m the one that has shut down and pushed him away for years. I pray about our marriage, but I don’t even know what to pray for anymore. So I ask Him for guidance and comfort. So tired of the kids seeing us act as roommates, and always crying or bickering. I am at a loss. The feelings are all gone.

    • Nia Klein says:

      Andrea, this is my husband and me as well, except that we have been married almost 41 years. We’ve had our problems over the years, but it wasn’t until almost a year ago when our adult daughter (who has always been difficult to get along with) lashed out at me during her first pregnancy and accused me of being abusive to her as a child and was, therefore, cutting off contact with me. While this is so not true–even my husband says it’s not–my husband has not stood up for me and continues to have a relationship with her. This is how she wants it–not me, but him. I feel lost and rejected and have prayed and prayed, am in counseling, talk with our pastor, gone to a marriage intensive and I just don’t know what to do anymore, what to pray. I just know I can’t go on like this. It feels like both my body and mind are breaking down (have lost 15+ pounds). I’ll pray for you. Praying we both can find some hope, some relief.

      • Anita says:

        He doesn’t know what to do. Is it possible that he is afraid of her because she IS difficult? Some men are funny that way. They often prefer to stay out of female relationships in the family. A grandchild is on the way. He is probably hoping she’ll calm down.

  192. Andrea Earl says:

    For years, our marriage has been crumbling. Ive always been the one deep down wanting a divorce. But last night he pretty much said he was done, too. Everything in this letter is true for me. While he hasn’t been perfect, I’m the one that has shut down and pushed him away for years. I pray about our marriage, but I don’t even know what to pray for anymore. So I ask Him for guidance and comfort. So tired of the kids seeing us act as roommates, and always crying or bickering. I am at a loss. The feelings are all gone.

    • Nia Klein says:

      Andrea, this is my husband and me as well, except that we have been married almost 41 years. We’ve had our problems over the years, but it wasn’t until almost a year ago when our adult daughter (who has always been difficult to get along with) lashed out at me during her first pregnancy and accused me of being abusive to her as a child and was, therefore, cutting off contact with me. While this is so not true–even my husband says it’s not–my husband has not stood up for me and continues to have a relationship with her. This is how she wants it–not me, but him. I feel lost and rejected and have prayed and prayed, am in counseling, talk with our pastor, gone to a marriage intensive and I just don’t know what to do anymore, what to pray. I just know I can’t go on like this. It feels like both my body and mind are breaking down (have lost 15+ pounds). I’ll pray for you. Praying we both can find some hope, some relief.

      • Anita says:

        He doesn’t know what to do. Is it possible that he is afraid of her because she IS difficult? Some men are funny that way. They often prefer to stay out of female relationships in the family. A grandchild is on the way. He is probably hoping she’ll calm down.

  193. Madison says:

    I read this and I immediately recognized that I have been this person before. I think every woman has. Unless one is constantly working on personal development, it’s hard to even know or realize that you’re operating from a “self” Center. My husband has been the one shut down lately, and I’ve been trying to stay patient and be the 90. My selfishness comes from wanting him to take the 90. I am impatient and want my turn. Sometimes, briefly, I think negatively of him because I feel resentful that I don’t have breaks from our children because his schedule at work is busy- long hours. He’s overworked, so it’s hard to get time from him. When he IS home, he acts like we’re roommates and that talking to me is a bothersome chore. I’ve explained this to him and he tells me I need too much from him. I know this means he is stressed and struggling to handle all his plate holds, so I’ll keep holding the fort down until he’s ready. Reading this helped, though, because it reminded me of all the things I can do when I allow myself to feel resentment.

  194. Madison says:

    I read this and I immediately recognized that I have been this person before. I think every woman has. Unless one is constantly working on personal development, it’s hard to even know or realize that you’re operating from a “self” Center. My husband has been the one shut down lately, and I’ve been trying to stay patient and be the 90. My selfishness comes from wanting him to take the 90. I am impatient and want my turn. Sometimes, briefly, I think negatively of him because I feel resentful that I don’t have breaks from our children because his schedule at work is busy- long hours. He’s overworked, so it’s hard to get time from him. When he IS home, he acts like we’re roommates and that talking to me is a bothersome chore. I’ve explained this to him and he tells me I need too much from him. I know this means he is stressed and struggling to handle all his plate holds, so I’ll keep holding the fort down until he’s ready. Reading this helped, though, because it reminded me of all the things I can do when I allow myself to feel resentment.

  195. Stephen says:

    After discovering my wife’s affair and bending over backwards to accept the shattered reality she left me in, she sent me this when she couldn’t think of what to tell me. It’s beautiful and universally applies both ways. I just wish she’d have thought of the words herself – but I’m sure this has helped many, many people and I’m thankful you’ve shared it. I’ve done several hundred hours of reading, writing and self reflection since the discovery including today’s sleepless night. I scrub bathrooms and floors while I hope for better to find me in life. I hope those who read these words know that they’re not alone, in all walks of pain, and to trust that pain will have an end one day. I faithfully believe this and wait for my guidance to set my world right again.

    All the best, to all of you.

  196. Stephen says:

    After discovering my wife’s affair and bending over backwards to accept the shattered reality she left me in, she sent me this when she couldn’t think of what to tell me. It’s beautiful and universally applies both ways. I just wish she’d have thought of the words herself – but I’m sure this has helped many, many people and I’m thankful you’ve shared it. I’ve done several hundred hours of reading, writing and self reflection since the discovery including today’s sleepless night. I scrub bathrooms and floors while I hope for better to find me in life. I hope those who read these words know that they’re not alone, in all walks of pain, and to trust that pain will have an end one day. I faithfully believe this and wait for my guidance to set my world right again.

    All the best, to all of you.

  197. Kw says:

    This is so me, but also in my defense, the reason I do many of these things in the letter is because where my husband is concerned He IS ALWAYS RIGHT, and everything I say or do is wrong. It’s hard to live like this day in and day out. It’s worse when he drinks. I’m to the point as of this morning, I just won’t speak, because I’m finally to the point where I just don’t care anymore after 15 yrs of marriage. He can do what he wants, say what he wants and he will get no reaction any longer from me. After 15 yrs of marriage, I’m finally done.

  198. Kw says:

    This is so me, but also in my defense, the reason I do many of these things in the letter is because where my husband is concerned He IS ALWAYS RIGHT, and everything I say or do is wrong. It’s hard to live like this day in and day out. It’s worse when he drinks. I’m to the point as of this morning, I just won’t speak, because I’m finally to the point where I just don’t care anymore after 15 yrs of marriage. He can do what he wants, say what he wants and he will get no reaction any longer from me. After 15 yrs of marriage, I’m finally done.

  199. cat says:

    So touching and real. I see it so clearly now. I have been so angry, for things that he has done, I totally ignored to much of what I was doing wrong. My husband is an awesome man I am so in love with. He does so much for me. Life would be to empty without him.
    Thank you so much for sharing, I needed that.

  200. cat says:

    So touching and real. I see it so clearly now. I have been so angry, for things that he has done, I totally ignored to much of what I was doing wrong. My husband is an awesome man I am so in love with. He does so much for me. Life would be to empty without him.
    Thank you so much for sharing, I needed that.

  201. Lotus says:

    I cheated for so long and know realizing he was the best I ever had . I messed up and there’s no way of fixing it anymore it’s too late , been married for 12 yrs and together for 17 years but again didn’t see the beauty of what I had . I know he’s ready to walk out it’s just in due time .. I can’t be the one to walk away . I have nothing so of course as any woman would be would .. but it’s my Fault I deserve nothing . My son is 15 and he’s my biggest concern cause he know hates me .. I have no family because of all the damage I’ve caused everyone .. life’s at its hardest but I deserve it

    • EK7 says:

      You made a mistake, but don’t let that mistake define you. You don’t deserve to beat yourself up every waking moment of every day. You learn from where you e been and make it a point to not return there. Pick yourself up and be a better wife, mom YOU every day- little by little.

    • Rogue says:

      You’re mistakes do not define who you are. You still deserve more. I understand it hard not to beat yourself up… I do it more often than I’d like to admit … but you still deserve happiness. You deserve respect and you deserve the time to heal. Your son needs you to heal and be the amazing mom you are. Stay strong. Do not let the demons over take your mind.

  202. Lotus says:

    I cheated for so long and know realizing he was the best I ever had . I messed up and there’s no way of fixing it anymore it’s too late , been married for 12 yrs and together for 17 years but again didn’t see the beauty of what I had . I know he’s ready to walk out it’s just in due time .. I can’t be the one to walk away . I have nothing so of course as any woman would be would .. but it’s my Fault I deserve nothing . My son is 15 and he’s my biggest concern cause he know hates me .. I have no family because of all the damage I’ve caused everyone .. life’s at its hardest but I deserve it

    • Rogue says:

      You’re mistakes do not define who you are. You still deserve more. I understand it hard not to beat yourself up… I do it more often than I’d like to admit … but you still deserve happiness. You deserve respect and you deserve the time to heal. Your son needs you to heal and be the amazing mom you are. Stay strong. Do not let the demons over take your mind.

  203. Muusicc says:

    My marriage has been and continues to crumble and I don’t know how to fix it. I know I have failed with my impatience and foul language. And he has cheated more times that I like to admit, but we’ve been together over 13 years and have three beautiful children. My life has been difficult from the very beginning but I always figured a way out. This time I don’t know what to do, I’m writing this and crying like a fool. I’m just trying to pray as best as I can if it is God’s will may he help me restore what is broken.

    • Jenell says:

      I’m in the same boat. 17 years, two kids, his third affair, one physical (before our youngest was even a year old), two emotional. The current one started online at the end of this June, with the OW living across the country. He hasn’t even met her in person. This time around he’s blamed me (I AM NOT THE PROBLEM) for not showing him the attention he needs (I will take ownership over my part, but he stopped showing me attention at about the same time). She knew about us when she initiated the relationship, and knew that we weren’t separated at the time (we separated a week after I confronted him, I left with the kids for a week, he moved out 4 days after we came home). I’m trying to stay strong and ‘nice’ to him (God help me with this) with the hopes that his fog lifts before the OW decides to fly across the country. Praying for God’s guidance to soften my heart and to guide his and for us to defeat the enemy.

  204. Tess says:

    Or what if it’s the other way around? You’re the one being ignored and your feelings invalidated. When you cry and yurn for him to love you how you need and he just spats at you. Saying “I tell you I love you” “I bought this house that’s love”. Saying love language is a bunch of bologna, yet you do his love language daily. “Acts of service” and his eyes light up with a clean house and dinner ready since you only work part time. Yet he won’t do you love language, because it’s fictional. How you constantly question what major flaw you have for him to not love you how you need. To slowly hate yourself overtime because if you’re not worth of the love you need, than what are you to them? The only thing that keeps me going is my children. I’ll never cheat because he is a good father, and provider.

  205. Tess says:

    Or what if it’s the other way around? You’re the one being ignored and your feelings invalidated. When you cry and yurn for him to love you how you need and he just spats at you. Saying “I tell you I love you” “I bought this house that’s love”. Saying love language is a bunch of bologna, yet you do his love language daily. “Acts of service” and his eyes light up with a clean house and dinner ready since you only work part time. Yet he won’t do you love language, because it’s fictional. How you constantly question what major flaw you have for him to not love you how you need. To slowly hate yourself overtime because if you’re not worth of the love you need, than what are you to them? The only thing that keeps me going is my children. I’ll never cheat because he is a good father, and provider.

  206. Drea10@hotmail.com says:

    Well I am with some other readers, what if I clicked because I am looking for an answer? What if it’s the other way around? What if you are the faithful one who lays it on the line and gets nothing in return? I’m broken, at a loss, and in a lot of pain for my 2 beautiful girls. I don’t know what to do? I scheduled a marriage counselor but “he didn’t like her the last time we used her” yes- I said last time, because this has been on going. So is it possible that two people have grown up? Or grown apart? And are better off apart? Please help…
    Helpless in Pennsylvania

  207. Drea10@hotmail.com says:

    Well I am with some other readers, what if I clicked because I am looking for an answer? What if it’s the other way around? What if you are the faithful one who lays it on the line and gets nothing in return? I’m broken, at a loss, and in a lot of pain for my 2 beautiful girls. I don’t know what to do? I scheduled a marriage counselor but “he didn’t like her the last time we used her” yes- I said last time, because this has been on going. So is it possible that two people have grown up? Or grown apart? And are better off apart? Please help…
    Helpless in Pennsylvania

  208. Mimi says:

    I thought I was the only one going through this, I cried to God asking Him why Me. My fiance and I are living apart. He cheated well this was not the first time. He apologised and I M just finding
    finding it very hard to forgive him, We have been living apart for 6 months, He says He realisef that He made a huge mistake and doesn’t want to loose me. My heart is so shattered right now, but after reading this some sense of peace came over me. Thank you sharing.. with Love all the way from Southern Africa

  209. Joyce says:

    My situation is as so, I have been married now for 7 years and I feel so empty and alone. I long for him to hold me , touch me etc, it’s seems he is more interested in social media. As soon as he comes home it’s straight to the bedroom and and on many sights. I’m always eating and praying alone. I really don’t know what direction to take anymore. I pray for an intervention but it’s nothing is coming my way.

  210. Joyce says:

    My situation is as so, I have been married now for 7 years and I feel so empty and alone. I long for him to hold me , touch me etc, it’s seems he is more interested in social media. As soon as he comes home it’s straight to the bedroom and and on many sights. I’m always eating and praying alone. I really don’t know what direction to take anymore. I pray for an intervention but it’s nothing is coming my way.

  211. Terri says:

    I have been married to my husband for 26 years. I can definitely relate to this post. I am guilty of not being the wife he has needed and I struggle daily as I sit and watch my marriage fall apart. I have tried to communicate to him what I am seeing and feeling and dreading the outcome as I know it’s not far until I take that final step and walk away . I feel he is actually waiting and hoping that I do walk away for good. I actually did walk out 2 months ago and was gone for 6 months and not once did he call me, or did he ask me to come home. We met for lunch a few times and even attended events for our grandkids but as far as him confessing his love and asking me to come home that never happened. He would only say that “ I could come home anytime I got ready “ we live separate lives we sleep separate rooms we share nothing anymore, not even bank accounts . I feel alone and isolated as if I am the only one trying. I am reaching the point where I have stopped trying . I have loved this man for so long I cannot imagine what I will do even though I do not feel he loves me in return. I am searching for answers and prayer is all I have left.

  212. Terri says:

    I have been married to my husband for 26 years. I can definitely relate to this post. I am guilty of not being the wife he has needed and I struggle daily as I sit and watch my marriage fall apart. I have tried to communicate to him what I am seeing and feeling and dreading the outcome as I know it’s not far until I take that final step and walk away . I feel he is actually waiting and hoping that I do walk away for good. I actually did walk out 2 months ago and was gone for 6 months and not once did he call me, or did he ask me to come home. We met for lunch a few times and even attended events for our grandkids but as far as him confessing his love and asking me to come home that never happened. He would only say that “ I could come home anytime I got ready “ we live separate lives we sleep separate rooms we share nothing anymore, not even bank accounts . I feel alone and isolated as if I am the only one trying. I am reaching the point where I have stopped trying . I have loved this man for so long I cannot imagine what I will do even though I do not feel he loves me in return. I am searching for answers and prayer is all I have left.

  213. Tamara says:

    My marriage is struggling and reading this was both encouraging and gave me more ideas of ways I can pray for others and myself, thankyou for your honesty and openness!

  214. Tamara says:

    My marriage is struggling and reading this was both encouraging and gave me more ideas of ways I can pray for others and myself, thankyou for your honesty and openness!

  215. Cassie says:

    This really hit home with me. I often times feel like I’m not the wife my husband deserves I say things I wish I could take back. Reading this was comforting knowing I’m not the only wife that feels like this!

  216. Cassie says:

    This really hit home with me. I often times feel like I’m not the wife my husband deserves I say things I wish I could take back. Reading this was comforting knowing I’m not the only wife that feels like this!

  217. Cindy says:

    Thank you so much. I am almost speechless after reading you words of comfort and wisdom.

  218. Cindy says:

    Thank you so much. I am almost speechless after reading you words of comfort and wisdom.

  219. Sarah says:

    Hi my name is sarah and ur letter touched me thanks for that I too have said a lot I wish and pray I could take back but I cant

  220. Sarah says:

    Hi my name is sarah and ur letter touched me thanks for that I too have said a lot I wish and pray I could take back but I cant

  221. Tary says:

    This letter helped me and my husband when we were going through a hard time I thought he had enough of my nagging and selfishness bt after I read out this to him we have resolved our differences and it has helped to put things into perspective. Thank you 🥰

  222. Tary says:

    This letter helped me and my husband when we were going through a hard time I thought he had enough of my nagging and selfishness bt after I read out this to him we have resolved our differences and it has helped to put things into perspective. Thank you 🥰

  223. Terri says:

    I feel like I could have written this. I suffer from depression and chronic pain (due to rheumatoid arthritis) and just before bed last night, I snapped at my husband. This was AFTER I had to work late and he had surprised me by leaving a cupcake in my car. My harsh words, frustrated at my mind and body turning against me, directed my pain at him. It seems these things are happening more often and I wonder when one or both of us will decide to throw in the towel.

  224. Terri says:

    I feel like I could have written this. I suffer from depression and chronic pain (due to rheumatoid arthritis) and just before bed last night, I snapped at my husband. This was AFTER I had to work late and he had surprised me by leaving a cupcake in my car. My harsh words, frustrated at my mind and body turning against me, directed my pain at him. It seems these things are happening more often and I wonder when one or both of us will decide to throw in the towel.

  225. Flower says:

    Hi, my name is Flower, thanks for sharing, I will print all of this words to give it to my gifth from God, my husband

  226. Flower says:

    Hi, my name is Flower, thanks for sharing, I will print all of this words to give it to my gifth from God, my husband

  227. Chelle says:

    hi sarah thanks fir sharing. i can relate with all your words and I can see myself as I read your letter.

  228. Jaimie says:

    These words literally hit home. I am so sorry for the mistakes I have made in my marriage. I hope that i can find my way out of this valley.

  229. Katheline says:

    Thank you for this post. You were right all through the post. I know every point you mentioned and it tears me down that I’ve failed to live up to the commitment I made on the wedding day. God’s grace alone is sufficient. This post is an added strength. Thank you Sarah.
    5

  230. Katheline says:

    Thank you for this post. You were right all through the post. I know every point you mentioned and it tears me down that I’ve failed to live up to the commitment I made on the wedding day. God’s grace alone is sufficient. This post is an added strength. Thank you Sarah.
    5

  231. Erica Dewane says:

    Thank you for this post. I began to cry as I read it feeling your words close to my heart. I know I am a selfish person and I to think too highly of myself. I love my husband dearly and want nothing more than to be by his side for the rest of my life. I struggle knowing how to love him and give him the things he needs. I too trust myself more and tend to make decisions based on what I want not what we need. I know he doesnt trust me and I dont foster trust in him for myself. I struggle with trusting him and I am unsure where to begin. I have always been a runner, running when relationships get to confusing and real. I am determined to stick to this one I have never been able to envision the future with any ost relationship as I can with this one and feel in my heart that this love we have is very special and something I never thought would happen. I feel I am walking in the dark though making many mistakes and I dont want to ruin this precious gift I have been given. Thank you for your honesty your truths ring home in my selfish heart. My hope is that I can accept my truths and grow learning a better way to love myself and love the man I call my husband.

  232. Erica Dewane says:

    Thank you for this post. I began to cry as I read it feeling your words close to my heart. I know I am a selfish person and I to think too highly of myself. I love my husband dearly and want nothing more than to be by his side for the rest of my life. I struggle knowing how to love him and give him the things he needs. I too trust myself more and tend to make decisions based on what I want not what we need. I know he doesnt trust me and I dont foster trust in him for myself. I struggle with trusting him and I am unsure where to begin. I have always been a runner, running when relationships get to confusing and real. I am determined to stick to this one I have never been able to envision the future with any ost relationship as I can with this one and feel in my heart that this love we have is very special and something I never thought would happen. I feel I am walking in the dark though making many mistakes and I dont want to ruin this precious gift I have been given. Thank you for your honesty your truths ring home in my selfish heart. My hope is that I can accept my truths and grow learning a better way to love myself and love the man I call my husband.

  233. Becky says:

    Thank you for your words. Everyday I struggle with allowing myself to let my guard down and be vulnerable. I’ve let the years of fighting and let downs snowball around my marriage. I want to melt it all away and learn to love and let go. This is the inspiration I needed to be a better wife. I thank you.

  234. Becky says:

    Thank you for your words. Everyday I struggle with allowing myself to let my guard down and be vulnerable. I’ve let the years of fighting and let downs snowball around my marriage. I want to melt it all away and learn to love and let go. This is the inspiration I needed to be a better wife. I thank you.

  235. Robin Burton says:

    Hello ! Everything in my head you just wrote ! That is Beautiful, Thank you for listening to the nudge that led you to share ! Amazing ~God is Good

  236. Robin Burton says:

    Hello ! Everything in my head you just wrote ! That is Beautiful, Thank you for listening to the nudge that led you to share ! Amazing ~God is Good

  237. Robin Burton says:

    Hello ! Everything in my head you just wrote ! That is Beautiful, Thank you for listening to the nudge that led you to share ! Amazing ~God is Good

  238. Sabrina says:

    Sabrina

  239. Sabrina says:

    Sabrina

  240. Sabrina says:

    Sabrina

  241. Thercia says:

    Wow your story is so me😖 and everyday I still trying to be a good house wife but I feel so alone sometimes my husband is not a romantic man once in a life time he will say he loves me I mean for me it’s the small things that counts and he knows it

  242. Thercia says:

    Wow your story is so me😖 and everyday I still trying to be a good house wife but I feel so alone sometimes my husband is not a romantic man once in a life time he will say he loves me I mean for me it’s the small things that counts and he knows it

  243. Thercia says:

    Wow your story is so me😖 and everyday I still trying to be a good house wife but I feel so alone sometimes my husband is not a romantic man once in a life time he will say he loves me I mean for me it’s the small things that counts and he knows it

  244. Michelle says:

    Hi Sarah , First off let me thank you for this post. It hit so very close to home for me. My husband isn’t a romantic man at all, but he does tell me he loves a billion times a day and there is nothing he wouldn’t do for me. We are currently separated. I know it is my fault I crave the attention I am lacking at home but I am struggling not being with him. I realize now I would rather be with him and be married to him than to be single. I pray every night that God will help him to see that I am sorry and he will forgive me. I love my husband. I was so selfish and just didn’t realize it till he was gone.

  245. Rebecca says:

    Hi Sarah,

    The words you wrote sounds just like me. My husband is the most kind and caring man I have ever met. Yet at times I treat him awful. I don’t know why I do it. I say things that I know that rips his heart out. I dont know why I do it

  246. Rebecca says:

    Hi Sarah,

    The words you wrote sounds just like me. My husband is the most kind and caring man I have ever met. Yet at times I treat him awful. I don’t know why I do it. I say things that I know that rips his heart out. I dont know why I do it

  247. Rebecca says:

    Hi Sarah,

    The words you wrote sounds just like me. My husband is the most kind and caring man I have ever met. Yet at times I treat him awful. I don’t know why I do it. I say things that I know that rips his heart out. I dont know why I do it

  248. Katie says:

    Reading your words really hit home. My marriage recently went through a test and in all honesty, it was due to all this. The words were very nice to read and it’s nice knowing we aren’t alone.

  249. Katie says:

    Reading your words really hit home. My marriage recently went through a test and in all honesty, it was due to all this. The words were very nice to read and it’s nice knowing we aren’t alone.

  250. Jay says:

    Thanks for this it articulates my situation clearly

  251. Jay says:

    Thanks for this it articulates my situation clearly

  252. Jay says:

    Thanks for this it articulates my situation clearly

  253. Alexandra says:

    I have never been able to find the words. This is exactly how I have been feeling.

  254. Alexandra says:

    I have never been able to find the words. This is exactly how I have been feeling.

  255. Alexandra says:

    I have never been able to find the words. This is exactly how I have been feeling.

  256. Crystal says:

    I read this everyday and can relate in so many ways. I have been second guessing myself as a wife lately.

  257. Crystal says:

    I read this everyday and can relate in so many ways. I have been second guessing myself as a wife lately.

  258. Erin says:

    This brought me to tears-currently going through every word you have said. My husband is kind, sweet, and would do anything for his family. Sometimes i feel like i get angry just to see if I’d get a rise out of him. It’s hard when you’re the only one who shows emotion. I think about divorce because he deserves someone better. Someone more calm,loving,selfless…and i can be all those things if it’s convenient for me 🙁

  259. Erin says:

    This brought me to tears-currently going through every word you have said. My husband is kind, sweet, and would do anything for his family. Sometimes i feel like i get angry just to see if I’d get a rise out of him. It’s hard when you’re the only one who shows emotion. I think about divorce because he deserves someone better. Someone more calm,loving,selfless…and i can be all those things if it’s convenient for me 🙁

  260. Erin says:

    This brought me to tears-currently going through every word you have said. My husband is kind, sweet, and would do anything for his family. Sometimes i feel like i get angry just to see if I’d get a rise out of him. It’s hard when you’re the only one who shows emotion. I think about divorce because he deserves someone better. Someone more calm,loving,selfless…and i can be all those things if it’s convenient for me 🙁

  261. Monika Dhoka says:

    Hi

  262. Monika Dhoka says:

    Hi

  263. coco says:

    I found this post as my husband of 10 years left for work this morning telling me that he was leaving me. He can’t take me anymore. He works nonstop. I don’t work, we have 2 kids and he has 3 others before our marriage. I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s been really bad for the past 6 years to the point that he has to do the grocery shopping, cook the dinner, do the laundry and work a full time job. I’m trying. I swear I am. Our sexual relationship isn’t much better because I was sexually abused as a child and it triggers me. I try to get over it but I can’t and he gets so mad and upset. I’m at a complete loss. I don’t know what I expected by commenting on here. This is way out of my comfort zone. I guess I’m lost and idk what my marriage is going to be. I just got a phone call while I was texting this and he was yelling at me because I fell asleep last night while he was trying to have a serious conversation. How can somebody get mad over a body function. I’m tired. Sorry

  264. coco says:

    I found this post as my husband of 10 years left for work this morning telling me that he was leaving me. He can’t take me anymore. He works nonstop. I don’t work, we have 2 kids and he has 3 others before our marriage. I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s been really bad for the past 6 years to the point that he has to do the grocery shopping, cook the dinner, do the laundry and work a full time job. I’m trying. I swear I am. Our sexual relationship isn’t much better because I was sexually abused as a child and it triggers me. I try to get over it but I can’t and he gets so mad and upset. I’m at a complete loss. I don’t know what I expected by commenting on here. This is way out of my comfort zone. I guess I’m lost and idk what my marriage is going to be. I just got a phone call while I was texting this and he was yelling at me because I fell asleep last night while he was trying to have a serious conversation. How can somebody get mad over a body function. I’m tired. Sorry

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I love a good plain t-shirt, pizza, snuggling with my dog and hanging out with my husband. My mission? To speak truth and grace to help encourage other women to know they are never alone.

I'm Sarah Jean.

I’m the girl who came to realize the freedom in not being the author of my story.

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