This really makes guilt disappear, I am not alone in this journey called marriage and its struggles. it is comforting to know I have sisters out there striving for the same goal. Thank you.

Thank you so very much- I echo the ladies ahead in the comments. It’s exactly my life, my heart- you have been a blessing to me this day. Feeling,thinking, wishing and praying these things…but seeing it written so, is bittersweet, mostly gives hope and renewed strength. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable yet essential. May you and all those who struggle and desire to be the kind of wife our husbands need, who remember who they are(daughters of God, and have the ability to love and create heavenly home/relationship with their spouse) and be blessed with your hearts righteous desires. It makes me giddy happy when as women(humans) open ourselves, let our vulnerability show, when we come together, oh the beauty, the strength and ARMOR. Thank you, all for sharing and being supportive and encouraging.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been married a year and a half to the most amazing man, but I’ve realized something I never knew in myself – the depth of my own selfishness. It has been so hard to fight the insecurity that this realization brings. Though we try to improve ourselves, like you said we will never be perfect. Thank you for sharing your struggle, and for offering an understanding heart. That goes so far to helping us forgive ourselves, move past the ocean of guilt, and move on to the next step of really focusing our heart on making a caring, Christ-centered marriage.

Bawling because this is me😩💔

I’ve felt incredibly alone and though there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t love my wife the way she loves me. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone and that there is good that can come out of this.

Very raw and true. Thank you for sharing.

This is so it. I’ve never read a post like this where I could be speaking the words and they would all be correct. Someone below said that marriage had made they realize how selfish they are. Mine has made me feel so selfish, while also making me realize that my husband could actually become more selfless than he was before we married. I have sacrificed for him, but not with the amount of grace that he does for me. What he puts up with because I am so convinced that I’m more right. I don’t deserve him, and I wish he at least knew how much I wish I was a better wife for him. But he would probably dislike that, because my happiness is his. But his is also mine. He makes me want to be better, to be someone close to what he deserves. I am so blessed that he chose me, and that we chose each other. Thank you for this message. When I start to nag or harp on small things he doesn’t do, I’ll remember it.

Angela
djrivas30@gmail.com

Completely described what God has been slowly showing me over the last couple months! With tears of remorse I’m determined to be a better wife with help from Above! Thanks for the post.

BEAUTIFULLY SAID SARAH. HI, MY NAME IS KARINA. GOING THRU THE SAME, FEELING THE SAME AS THIS. FEELING UNAPPRECIATED MOST TIMES BUT I’M LOOKING INTO COUNSELING AND THIS WEEKEND WE’RE BOTH GOING FOR A 3-DAY WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR COUPLES. IF THIS DOESNT HELP, IDK WHAT WILL. PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND OUR 22 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH 4 CHILDREN. GOD BLESS XOXOXO

I needed to read this! Thank you!

The timing and words are perfect! This is a beautiful piece and I believe many of us are facing this situation. Take courage and find strength in the lord! He will make a way💓

Shweta

Gina
Thank you!

Hit the nail on the head… Thank you for this! Really resonated with me.

This really spoke to me in so many ways and it was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement

Hi Sarah, I’m Sarah too. I wish we could meet and be friends! I feel so lonely and struggling in my marriage! Why am I so selfish 😩

Hi Sarah, my name is Frances. This was very well written. And what I needed. Thank you

Hi! I’m Destiny. Thank you so much for this post ❤️ It is very encouraging.

Hi, I’m Tanya and I very well could (should) have written this…I fail every day at being a good wife, yet my husband continues to love me like I’m perfect.

I’d love to chat with you! I needed this is so many ways i cant even begin to explain!

First of all thank you for posting this!!! It hit every point in my marriage, my life and so much more! Your word are very inspiring!! Thank you
Tawnna

Most days I just hate me because I know I am just not enough and it drives me wild.

Hi
This letter is a message to a parched soul it said everything about me , my husband and I are separated now and I am seeing my own self in this letter. I am praying that we can get over this separation and be healed my Gods mighty hand and counsel. I want my husband back we have been together 31 years and had I read this message years ago maybe things might be different. But now that I have seen this message it showed me my own shortcomings.
Thank you
Andrea

Hi Sarah. Thank you for writing this. This really hit home for me. My husband and I have been together 14 years and struggling terribly the last 2. At the beginning of this month my husband asked for a separation. We still live together and have 2 children together and I refuse to move out and so does he. He has emotionally shut down to me and I’m ashamed that I havent been the wife he needed over the years bc I struggled with all of the above plus with depression and I threw myself into raising our 2 boys. I want my husband and I want to find a way to make it work before it’s too late. I would love to hear from you. jsskipper@live.com

Thanks, Jessica

My husband of 13 years is disabled, and oftentimes he lies in bed while life goes on around us. I love him very much, and I try to do everything I can for him; however, there are times I become frustrated and irritable at the thought of not being enough (not making enough money, not always being in the "mood" when he is, etc). There are also times I become frustrated that I am the one having to make the living (although he does bring in a little each month in disability), or I become frustrated that he does not feel well enough oftentimes to do the things other couples do. That being said, he is everything to me — I love him very much, but I do not always feel that I am the wife he deserves; I do my best, however, and my best is all I can do! txscriber@aol.com

Wow.. just wow. So perfectly put.

Stephanie

Sarah, this is Anjoo. My problem is that i don’t respect my husband enough. I don’t give him the respect he deserves. I’ve been praying for me to respect him.

Wow🙌 I feel you cause that how I feel right now.

My husband is a amazing man..and I try my best to be the wife God has intended me to be..but when I was young I made many mistakes also I got my tubes tie at age 22..and now my husband Longs for a child and I am now 39 years old..he said he understands but at times I can see the hurt in his eyes..and its killing me slowly..Im so lost and confused. So lost and hurt .. the reversal surgery is expensive and Im runing out of time. If i try to save the money it would take to long and the clock is ticking against me..I have prayed and prayed for something

Dear Sarah,
You are so beautiful, the angel from Heaven. Thank God you are here for us. You are blessed and well respected.

I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. Beautifully written.

Hi Sarah am so happy I came across your lovely letter but you see my husband can’t and doesn’t respect me he said he does but how can he when he had 2 kids out side our union but I still stood by his side but we are falling apart and most times am unhappy and I think he is too I don’t knows how to feel anymore and such

Hi Sarah,

Even though I’m newly married (2 weeks) this hit the mark. Right now we are in a horrible fight and this is exactly how I feel right now. I’m glad I found this, it really spoke to me. Thank you for writing this ❤️

Hi Sarah
There is SO much to say …

Sarah,

Thank you for these beautiful and encouraging words. I have been so unwilling and selfish in these last several months with my husband. We came to be closer to God at the beginning of the year and upon reading your letter I am realizing just how foolish I have been. I owe my husband many heartfelt words of love and respect. Your letter has given me confidence that I want to continue to have a Godly life with my husband and restore the marriage God has built for us.

Thank you,

Aspen

Wow!!! I love this!! My husband and I have gone through a lot these past 15 years. Miscarriages, trying to conceive, more miscarriages, surgery after surgery and finally full removal of my reproductive organs that unfortunately left me unable to pursue having children. It’s taken a toll on me physically due to surgical induced menopause and I know I haven’t made it easy on him. He’s so understanding loving and caring, but I catch myself being so mean. I don’t mean too but it just happens. Reading your article made me cry because it’s all I wish could tell him and can’t. Thank you so much for giving me an opening and an opportunity to share this with him. Your right God and only God can love ya completely and truly even with all our faults! God bless!

Wow, so many of your words are my words. Thank you for sharing.

I was opposite of this to the love of my life without getting married.. I wish I were the wife he needed… also I thought that everyone will be the same in the domain of love but its actually not..!!!

Thanks for sharing very powerful

Lost. Don’t even know where you o begin to repair

Your letter is like the words and the humility that I cannot muster into the words and the honest confession I cannot seem to communicate to my husband. Divorced. Flawed. Stubborn. Rejected. Contributing nothing financially. Frustrated. Selfish. Envious of those who are loving and kind to one another. Sinful. And God called us to LOVE above all else. Thank you for your vulnerability and sisterhood. God is good.

This reminds me if myself at times. I thought I was the only one for awhile. I happy someone understands.

After 18 years. After he kicked both of my sons out(from previous marriage) and continually making me feel horrible as a person and giving our children what he never gave mine. I don’t know if I can love him again.

Wow wow wow! I’m not good with words so I could never say the exact thing and it sound as good! Boy, were you dead on …. I cried like a baby reading this!

Hi, thank you for your letter. It’s given me a lot to think about. Up until recently, I didn’t think I was the mean or dismissive in our marriage, but maybe I am. I would like help understanding how to be more aware of how I treat my husband. I need help in salvaging my marriage. I’d love to talk to someone.

I also possess, or lack, these same qualities, and so does my husband. We struggle with forgiveness and have managed to turn every encounter with one another into a confrontation. Even though we probably feel like we hate one another more than we tell the other we love them. Recently, separation and divorce has emerged in our arguments. We are trying to salavage what we have left. It’s an uphill battle but I know I am not alone.

I love your honesty and your fearlessness! Way to own your truth. That makes you a great wife 💕

Thank you for putting into words what my heart longs to say.

Thankyou! Your comment about reading this is not a coincidence. As many others said, you said everything perfectly! Timing. I am so happy i came across this and i did think i was the only one, a bad wife. I’m not and i know everything happens for a reason and is a lesson to learn and grow from. Together almost 20 yrs. Married 11, the past 2 1/2 were and hard still but i know i have to change some of my own thoughts, behaviors if this is going to work. Love to all reading this and wow, we are not alone! I am not religious but i know there is a god or some higher power that plays a role in this life, don’t give up. Anything is possible if we really open our eyes but it takes both to make a real change. Love all

OMG! These words are so necessary. It’s difficult when God shows you yourself. I’m certainly guilty of many if these things. We have the instructions through the word of God but yet we fail to do them. I pray that we all find our marriages being filled with love passion and respect. I pray that God reignites the fire and desires we once shared. My God forgive us of our shortcomings and strengthen us for the journey ahead!💛💛💛

We love because He first loved us. We forgive because we are forgiven of the atrocities we have and will commit. It’s so hard to not love your spouse in response to how you are feeling loved. A biblical love is so much stronger than what I could do on my own. Thank you for the reminder, as difficult as it is to hear. Sometimes they aren’t the issue, sometimes they are; that doesn’t excuse us from how we are to treat our husbands.

AS
This is so me and this is so true

Thank you for sharing this. The words exactly what I have had on my heart for sometime now. We get caught up in the world and tend to put things and people on the back hurning. As a mother, wife, chauffeur, cheerleader, coach, helping hand etc is easy to get caught up in the every day things of this life.

I read this and I immediately recognized that I have been this person before. I think every woman has. Unless one is constantly working on personal development, it’s hard to even know or realize that you’re operating from a “self” Center. My husband has been the one shut down lately, and I’ve been trying to stay patient and be the 90. My selfishness comes from wanting him to take the 90. I am impatient and want my turn. Sometimes, briefly, I think negatively of him because I feel resentful that I don’t have breaks from our children because his schedule at work is busy- long hours. He’s overworked, so it’s hard to get time from him. When he IS home, he acts like we’re roommates and that talking to me is a bothersome chore. I’ve explained this to him and he tells me I need too much from him. I know this means he is stressed and struggling to handle all his plate holds, so I’ll keep holding the fort down until he’s ready. Reading this helped, though, because it reminded me of all the things I can do when I allow myself to feel resentment.

After discovering my wife’s affair and bending over backwards to accept the shattered reality she left me in, she sent me this when she couldn’t think of what to tell me. It’s beautiful and universally applies both ways. I just wish she’d have thought of the words herself – but I’m sure this has helped many, many people and I’m thankful you’ve shared it. I’ve done several hundred hours of reading, writing and self reflection since the discovery including today’s sleepless night. I scrub bathrooms and floors while I hope for better to find me in life. I hope those who read these words know that they’re not alone, in all walks of pain, and to trust that pain will have an end one day. I faithfully believe this and wait for my guidance to set my world right again.

All the best, to all of you.

This is so me, but also in my defense, the reason I do many of these things in the letter is because where my husband is concerned He IS ALWAYS RIGHT, and everything I say or do is wrong. It’s hard to live like this day in and day out. It’s worse when he drinks. I’m to the point as of this morning, I just won’t speak, because I’m finally to the point where I just don’t care anymore after 15 yrs of marriage. He can do what he wants, say what he wants and he will get no reaction any longer from me. After 15 yrs of marriage, I’m finally done.