7 Tips To Help You Better Communicate With Your Spouse

My husband’s words cut through me like a knife yet he looked surprised by my pain filled reaction.


I turned over in bed not wanting to look at him, hoping he would say the right thing to make this better to make me feel better, loved, more appreciated and cared for.


Instead it got worse like it usually does when we are both tired, exhausted by a full days work and not on the same page.


In those moments it’s so easy to believe the lies that flood my brain. The lies that say my husband doesn’t love me, that I’m not special to him, that it’s always like this, that it will never get better, that all hope is lost.


Those moments when we are at our wits end are opportune times for lies to invade and truth to become obscure.


Everything gets blurred; small things become big things because we loose the larger picture, we forget the truth.


We are called to do life alongside one another, to reveal the Gospel in our marriage by loving through the hard, by persisting when you want to give up, by serving even when you aren’t being served.


It’s a hard job we have, two imperfect people living alongside one another, doing life together, seeking to become one.


It’s messy. Two sinners who get married are GUARANTEED ONE THING: sin.


It’s unavoidable. It creeps in during the worst times, as words erupt from our mouths marring our spouse, or misunderstood sentences get spun out of control or expectations just simply aren’t met.


Communication is THE hardest thing in marriage, yet it’s the most important.


Misunderstandings are at the root of all problems in marriage, misunderstandings that stem from miscommunication, which is why it’s so important to continue to work on it.


It takes consistency, it takes intentionality and perseverance. Perfection is off the table but there is always room to grow closer.


Here are 7 tips to help you effectively communicate with your spouse:


1.     Keep Pillow Talk Light:

It is never a good idea to start a lengthy or heated conversation before bed. If you are tired, go to bed and work through it tomorrow.


2.     Speak Expectations:

Tell your spouse what you want, or expect of him/her. Expectations should be talked through not kept as silent ammunition. Have honest dialogue about what you want and what you expect and know that some expectations are not ok to have.


3.     Be honest but Courteous:

Honesty is the best policy but don’t be a jerk about it. Pray it over with God to know when and how to say things. Think before you speak.


4.     Keep Your Emotions In Check:

Try not to overreact to something that upsets you. Take a step back, breathe and try and see it for the way it is, not the way you want to see it.


5.     Speak Often:

Talk to your spouse, not just about work or the kids but inquire how he/she is doing. Ask them questions to get to know them, to pursue them. {If you don’t know where to start click here for some FREE questions to help grow your intimacy and communication}.


6.     Examine Your Spouse’s Personality:

Try to understand how they process and react to things. Most likely they work different than you do. Allow them to be different (verbal processors, literal thinkers, logical rationalizers, emotional whirlwinds etc.). Examine your expectations of your spouse reactions and communication style.


7.     Choose Your Words Wisely:

It’s better to say a little and have it mean a lot, than to say a lot and have it mean very little.


As they say communication is key but no one said it was easy. It’s often very messy.


Good thing God isn’t scared of our mess, in fact He works in it.

That’s His thing. He takes messy and inserts himself making it beautiful.


So when conversations seem to have taken an unforgivable turn, when fights break out and all hope seems lost, when this thing, marriage seems unbearable just remember that. He takes messy and inserts himself to make it beautiful.




We just need to walk in faith and prayer. It may be messy but it’s GUARANTEED  to be beautiful because He makes beautiful things out our mess.


{Praying for your spouse can also help your communication. Husbands click here. &  Wives click here.}


Sarah is a daughter of the King, saved by His abundant grace, growing in His love. She is a wife, a teacher of little souls, a worship leader, a writer, a recovering perfectionist and a lover of shoes. Her blog —Ark in the Desert— exists to expose the real and raw of her life and heart to help encourage and build up. You can follow her on Pinterest, Instagram or Facebook.


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I love a good plain t-shirt, pizza, snuggling with my dog and hanging out with my husband. My mission? To speak truth and grace to help encourage other women to know they are never alone.

I'm Sarah Jean.

I’m the girl who came to realize the freedom in not being the author of my story.

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A mid-western girl who learned the freedom in letting go of my plans and walking in His. My goal is to encourage others on that path and point them to Him.

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